Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Telling other infertiles

Last week, I shared the news of my pregnancy with a fellow infertile I know in real life who is also waiting to adopt. Her journey has been very, very long and her wait to adopt has been very, very long. It was hard to know what to say in the email to her - I understand all too well the pain, sadness, jealousy, and longing that comes with a pregnancy announcement. My heart aches for her.

I told her a little "early" because I was supposed to see her (we don't live in the same area), and knew we would talk "adoption talk" and I didn't want to have to lie or be fake. However, before we start sharing our news publicly this weekend, I have a list of six others I know in real life who are struggling or have struggled with infertility, and I am going to email them the news. My heart aches for them.

There are few words to say that comfort, but I pray for them - and any of you who are waiting - that God would make them - and you - a mother soon and ease their suffering. Much love to each of you who are waiting. My heart aches for you.

14 comments:

Betty Rubble said...

Take this as you will...but I wouldn't send an email, I would personally call them instead. It is more personal, and will be better received--in my humble opinion...

Shannon said...

I agree with your method of email. I am currently 39 weeks pregnant after waiting 5 years for a miracle. I know an email can seem less personal, but it allows the reader to process in their own time in their own way. Sometimes a phone call can blindside someone and when you sense they are upset, all the words you intended to say go out the window. By email, you can ensure that you say everything you want to say and reiterate the fact that your prayers are with them. Thinking of you as you share your news with your friends. I know it isn't easy.

Sarah B said...

I second the email route for the reasons Shannon stated. Mel recently had a great post on this. You sound like a good friend; it is hard to have something this big between you and someone you care about.

Hillary Berger said...

As a fellow infertile waiting to adopt...I think email is the best way to make a pregnancy announcement to someone still on the journey to become a parent. IMO you did the right thing.

JC said...

I agree you did the right thing. I'd prefer an email where you don't have to respond right away and have time to process. The last 2 times my SIL has told me was through text which I hated and was not sensitive at all. You're very kind =)

Life Happens said...

Even when you've crossed over the IF journey, you never forget the journey that got you to where you are.

You are very thoughtful to think of your friends. I'm sure they will be happy for you.

thesenyardpress said...

I would definitely email someone the news. And let them know that there is no rush to reply to your email nor is there any reason that they should feel the forced need to congratulate you or even see you until they are ready. I suffered IF for 3 years and was told WAY too many times in person that a friend or family member were pregnant (one instance my husband and I were told right after we landed in Cozumel for a much needed vacation by our close friends who were on the vacation with us that she was suddenly pregnant after only being off birth control for ONE month! Talk about ruining someone's week in Mexico!!) then I had to act happy for her!! :S it was soooo bad!! So, yes, I am with the group that suggests that emailing is the best route in this certain situation!!!

God bless and Congrats on making it to the "announcement phase!" :D it gets more and more fun from here on!!!! Soak it all up Hillary! You've paid your dues and you deserve to be happy about this!

Rosie said...

Your kind words are not lost on me. You are, as always, caring and compassionate. You amaze me. Your child is lucky to have you as their mom.

Carrie said...

I definitely second the email. A friend of mine told me in person that she was pregnant and all I could do was cry tears of jealousy, sadness, and anger. I felt terrible that I had that reaction and I know my friend understood, but still....Email is best :) I am now pregnant, but I still feel bad about the reaction I had.

Cassandra said...

I'm with the majority and agree with the email... or even a hand written letter.
During our 10 year ivf struggle I was told many times that someone was pregnant and too many times I was embarrassed by crying in front of them or over the phone and then had to explain that I was happy for them but sad for me blah blah blah. When my cousin emailed me it allowed me to cry my eyes out then make a cocktail and message her back with my congrats.

Jessica R said...

Agree with email! Way better to give them time to process on their own first. You are very thoughtful and I'm sure you'll find the right words.

Anonymous said...

I think the emails were such a kind gesture. Personally, we have been at this for 4 years and have failed numerous IUIs and 5 fresh ivf cycles. Of course, over that time there have been several announcements. I truly appreciate it when someone emails me as it gives me time to process my own feelings and then I am able to email or call them when ready and composed. I also think it is very thoughtful of you to send an email ahead of time. This way, they can absorb it and not have to hear it from someone else. I guess what I am getting at is that I really think you are doing the right thing :) And, congrats on the pregnancy!

Anonymous said...

You are a thoughtful, caring person who just made my day with your post. If only others could be as considerate.

Christina said...

I think email is definitely the way to go. And especially, for someone you are close to. Is it just me, or does the IF's level of emotional reaction (sadness, anger, jealousy, etc.) deepen the better you know that person? I've had acquaintances, co-workers or casual friends/family tell me they were pregnant in person, and it was fairly easy to handle the news. But if my best friend were to do that to me in person, especially someone who knew I was struggling, I would have a complete meltdown. Maybe it's just me.