Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Refelctions on Christmas

What a difference a year (or 4) make.

Christmas had always been the most difficult holidays for me as an infertile. Mother's Day wasn't a big deal, but Christmas...Christmas! How I longed to begin creating Christmas memories with our little one. As the years went by, I longed for the change that a baby would bring, but every year felt like a marker in time that nothing was changed and that, very likely, the next Christmas could be exactly the same.

But this year, on Christmas, we thanked God for the miracle of new life growing inside of me - something that by Christmas last year I had given up hoping for. This miracle is certainly not the baby Jesus or the Savior of the world, but he or she is a beautiful example of God's goodness, faithfulness, and that he can do what we think is impossible.

This year, we talked with our families about having a baby at the Christmas celebrations next year. The youngest child in my husband's family is ten, and my 8-month-old neice lives too far away to be here for Christmas, so this will be the first baby/ small child around in quite awhile. It was so fun to imagine the day with everybody passing around our little one and the joy that he or she will bring to our families.

This year, my husband and I started dreaming of how we would like to celebrate Christmas with our child. Once he or she is old enough we would like to have Christmas morning at our house. And as we thought of this, we imagined the face of a little toddler Christmas morning running through our living room with bright eyes and the sheer excitement that only a child can have.

For those of you still waiting, I hope your next Christmas is filled with the wonder of a child or anticipation of a child. We are so very thankful and blessed for this gift that we were not expecting.


Anonymous said...

There is NOTHING like your first Christmas with your child! I just wish that everyone could experience it!

Infertile Mormon Mommy said...

We just had our first Christmas as parents! I am so looking forward to Christmas with my sweet girl for many many years to come! Next year will be the most amazing thing for you!

Jessi said...

I just found your blog and am so happy for you! I have been going through infertility for over 4 years. We found out this year the problem isn't me but my husband doesn't produce sperm. We have researched adoption, and thought for a while that is what we would do, we also were on a waiting list for embryo adoption/donation. About a month ago we just decided to pray and have faith that God could just give us a child of our own. Reading the Bible and being convicted by so many verses that talk about how powerful God is and to trust in him is what has led us to this. So that is what we are doing now just praying and having faith! I was so encouraged by your blog. After reading through your last few months of post I am so happy that you are pregnant and aren't going through that pain anymore. I can relate so much when I read through your blog, it has helped me. Christmas was hard and like every year I tell myself next year we will have a baby on that Christmas card with us, and to open gifts with on Christmas morning. I still have the hard days and sometimes I don't know how I have got through this so long and how to keep going through it. I really am happy to hear you're expecting! When I know what a infertile has gone through and the happiness it must be to be pregnant, I really am not jealous or upset. It's the ones that get pregnant first try in a month I am jealous of lol! I am looking forward to reading following your blog.

Unwavering Hope said...

Your story just brings tears to my eyes everytime. You are a living testimony of God's faithfulness. He is so amazing. Worthy of all praise. I am so incredibly happy for you and your husband. This year I was able to celebrate Christmas with our long awaited miracle--our 3 month old gift from God. I understand how you feel because I too longed for a Christimas with our little one for so long. Motherhood is all you dream of and more. Can't wait for you to meet your miracle. Praying for you.

Tk said...

Your strength through your journey has always made me smile. Thank you for being honest and for pulling at my heart strings with each post :) I am so happy that this will be your year to become a mother! I am determined this WILL be my year also!
Have a wonderful New Year!