Me (31) and DH (29): After 3.5 years of trying to conceive, including 3 years of surgeries/ infertility treatments and 3 months of "officially waiting" to adopt, we found out I am miraculously pregnant! Our son was born June 9, 2012 and we are so thankful for this gift!
Yesterday was a busy day: church at 9:00, Youth Group at 11:00, a friend's birthday lunch at 12:30, meeting with a student at 3:00, and dinner with a friend at 6:00. Whew. In the midst of all of that, we managed to come home mid-afternoon. A friend had made curtains for our closet in the nursery and gave them to me yesterday, and I happily hung them up. While in the nursery, I decided to check my email on my phone, and was surprised with an email from an expectant mother
considering adoption. My heart immediately started beating fast, and I
was excited that as I read the email she sounded like a real person. (We have
gotten a few emails so far, but they all were very clearly not "real" or
scams or something, so I deleted those right away.) She had seen our profile online.
my heart sank when she said she is only 9 weeks pregnant. On a purely
emotional level, that due date just feels SO far away right now. On a
practical/ cautious level, that is a long time for her to weigh her
options, decide to parent, etc (rightfully so), as well as a long time
to potentially need money for expenses.
My husband and I then did some intense googling. We had her name and the state she lived in, and found some things on the internet that looked like she was indeed a real person. It's amazing what you can find on the internet. We talked, talked, and talked. We had hardly any information, but we still managed to talk about this possibility off and on for the entire day. What was her situation? What were we comfortable with? What should we email back?
We forwarded the email to our lawyer, and asked what she thought. The expectant mother had said in her email to us that she had also contacted our attorney, so we asked our lawyer if she had indeed been contacted (she had). We replied to her email with something that we hoped was simple, brief, kind, and non-committal, and said we are glad she contacted our lawyer and that we will let her guide all of us on the next steps from here.
After praying and talking through the situation, my husband I decided a few things. These are based on the small amount of information we have at the moment, and if our attorney finds out more, things could change one way or the other. We may never hear from her again. Or there may be things that come up that are deal breakers for us - drug or alcohol use, financial needs, etc.
But, for now, we decided we are not comfortable "matching" with her until she is further along in her pregnancy (24 weeks seems acceptable in my mind. Maybe 20 at minimum?). I don't expect her to "wait" for us, but if other things fall into place like it could be a good match, maybe she would. But maybe it just also means she is not the right match for us. We also decided that her financial needs will be an important factor in our comfort level with this particular situation.
Our attorney emailed her this morning, and also asked if she could call her. We are waiting to hear if she responds and what new information our attorney has if she does. I have been praying for this woman and her baby.
Any advice on a possible situation this early in the pregnancy?
PS - I almost feel silly for even writing about it, because we may never hear anything from her again...it is FAR from a real match. But it's been a big development on our adoption journey, and will be a learning experience one way or another...
ETA - If you know me in real life, please don't say anything! We don't want to broadcast every small possibility that is out there :)