Tuesday, September 20, 2011

It's just hair

A couple weeks ago I went in for my quarterly hair appointment where I get my hair highlighted.

Some background info you need to know is that I was quite blond as a child all the way through college. But around the end of college, my hair started getting darker. I was completely fine with this and didn't feel like I need to be a blond, but I think I always thought of myself as blond so it was a little weird. It was still blondish, but maybe more of a light light brown, sandy blond, or dark blond...whatever you want to call it.

Shortly before our wedding, I decided to highlight my hair and be blond-blond, since I just always thought of myself as a blond and wanted to be that for our wedding. Since then, I have been highlighting my hair, not to be super blond but to keep it blondish. However, when you start highlighting your hair, every time you get it highlighted again it just gets blonder.

Ironically, when we were picking out pictures for our adoption profile, the picture we liked the most of us as a couple that we wanted to use as our main picture had me with darker hair - it must have been some odd window of time when I didn't get it highlighted. It was the only picture in the whole profile that I wasn't a full-on blond, so our lawyer pointed it out and thought we should use a different picture instead. Plus, she said she liked me as a blond . So we took her advice and used a different picture.

So back to my appointment a couple weeks ago.

I told my hairstylist I wanted to make my hair a little darker. I think I had just been feeling like it was getting blonder than I wanted, and I needed to counter balance that by adding some low lights to make it a little darker. She was happy to oblige, and before I knew it my head was covered in foil that included highlights and low lights.

As I set there letting the chemicals do their magic, I started getting panicked about my soon-to-be new hair color. Like, I almost flipped out and started crying kind of panic. What if I looked completely different when I stepped out of the salon? What if I didn't feel like myself? What if I had to deal with everybody commenting about my hair for the next few weeks? And, most importantly, what if this effected our adoption? WHAT IF I look too different than our profile and a birth mother decides not to choose us? WHAT IF she chooses us because we're blond but them meets us and is disappointed that I'm not???

Needless to say, this was one of the only times I did not enjoy what is usually a relaxing appointment.

Thankfully, when the foil was gone and my hair was dry, I was pleasantly surprised to see my hair a slightly darker shade...but it was still MY hair. I think in my panic I had imagined my hair black or something, ha! But it was subtly and perfectly darker. A few people have noticed, but overall it is so subtle that few have even commented, so I doubt a birth mother would.

It's amazing all the little things that go into the adoption-induced anxiety. Even one's hair color. :)


A said...

so glad you ended up liking the new color :) i'm sure it looks great!

Hillary said...

Ha! I had a very similar experience. Funny what "adoption brain" can do to you :)