Tuesday, August 30, 2011

On showers

Some of my sweet, dear, and thoughtful friends are throwing me a baby shower in October. Yes, me - a baby shower! Ever since they asked me if they could in July I have been SO excited for my shower. It is one of those things I have always looked forward to, even before my days of trying to conceive and infertility, so finally getting to have a shower is like a dream come true.

As I am sure you can tell from many of my other posts, I am loving this feeling of hope and joy in the sweet anticipation of meeting our baby. I am loving each small purchase I make, each swipe of the paintbrush in the nursery, and each piece of baby gear I research. I feel such a sense of happy anticipation that I feel like having a pre-baby shower is like the cherry on top of all of dreaming, because my friends get to celebrate and anticipate with me!

That said, I did have to think long and hard about having a shower. From things I have read online, many adoptive moms seem to prefer to wait to have a shower type event until after they have their baby because it is emotionally too difficult before hand. And, well, I don't know. So far I have not felt an ounce of that as I add little things to the nursery, but how will I feel if we are still waiting in a year? It's difficult to know.

My hope in having the shower now is that it is a celebration of our yet unknown baby. The gifts will not be for a specific baby we are matched with (obviously because we are not even matched!), so if we do have a match that dissolves, or a birth mother who changes her mind....the room and gifts will hopefully not be associated with that specific baby. And I feel like there is so much JOY in hoping that even if something very difficult like that does happen, we can still continue to wait and hope for the baby that is meant to be ours. We will have our baby someday, whether the wait is long or there are difficulties along the way.

I know as I write about this I am probably in the minority of adoptive moms who want to do things this way. Even my mom and one of my really good friends (who adopted internationally) deflated my bubble a little by wondering if this was really a wise idea. Maybe I will look back and wish I hadn't had a shower at this time, but I honestly feel complete peace, joy, and excitement about the decision right now. I want to enjoy this time of sweet anticipation.

10 comments:

Jenny H said...

Hillary,
A pre-baby shower will be wonderful! I think you should register and everything. I totally think that is completely amazingly awesome and I would completely support something like this for you guys. Speaking from experience...my brother has adopted 2 lil girlies... you will thanks your friends on the day you bring your little one home. You will not be taking the little bundle out to Target's world of germs wondering what you need. And its too hard sending family and friends out for you... they never bring back what you had envisioned.
For my brother & SIL... we gave them a shower after they brought the baby home. I think this way you can have every thing ready & not have to worry about germs.
So happy for you. Praying your little one arrives in God's time.
<3 Jenny H

tanyaslifejourney said...

Just as pregnant momma's are encouraged to cherish everyday they are pregnant... I think adoptive momma's should cherish everyday of their wait.

You want to look back at this time and remember the joy and anticipation you felt as you waited to be matched with your forever baby.

I think having a shower and being able to later tell your child about all the people who loved him/her before they even met will be an awesome memory...for you and your child! :)

Betty Rubble said...

I think a lot of people are going to have a lot of opinions but the only one that matters is yours! If you are comfortable having a shower now why shouldn't you? You'd be having a shower before the baby if you were pregnant-so why not while you're expecting a baby through adoption?

Hillary said...

Have one have one have one!!!! I didn't think I wanted one until after our baby arrived, but we only had 13 days between match and birth, then it was waiting for the tpr, then it was the holidays, and before you know it, there was never a baby shower :(. And yes, I totally feel like I got ripped off by not getting one. I felt like it was a right of passage when anticipating a baby. We received tons of gifts, which I am so grateful for, but never a shower.

Missy said...

You have to do what feels right for you. We plan on registering so that close family can buy us things even though I don't want a full baby shower now. And you are right that it may be different to get things for a baby "in general" rather than one specific baby and have the match fail.

andreajennine said...

Yay! Sounds like such fun!

Anonymous said...

Do it!! I am an adoptive mom and I had two pre-baby showers. A failed adoption is no different than a miscarriage.... and those who are pregnant still go through with a pre-baby showers. Why shouldn't you also get to experience that joy?

I have a fairly large group of friends who have adopted and every one of them had a shower before they were matched.

Go for it! You've waited a long time and you should enjoy every second and every blessing your friends want to shower upon you.

Anonymous said...

So exciting for you! you are doing such an amazing job "speaking" this baby into your life! Do not fear but keep the faith and harness your positive energy! Enjoy this time and continue celebrating the joy---you deserve it!

Leah said...

It's such a personal decision, and no one can judge that. If it makes you feel joy and hope, then by all means, do it. Because whether you wait another month or another year, you WILL be a mama, and you will need precious gifts for your baby. . . whoever he or she may be. :)

The Wife said...

I think you should have one if you want it. When we went to the classes at the hospital it was so helpful and DH and I were wondering if there was anything similar for parents about to adopt. I always think it's best to be prepared and a playpen is a playpen and a bouncer a bouncer - they don't change that much that you would need to wait till after the baby.

Go for it!