Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sweet conversations

My husband and I have had two meaningful conversations recently that I want to remember always. I am continuously thankful that God has given him to me as a gift, and moments like these bring many happy tears in the midst of the sad ones.

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A couple weeks ago, DH had an emergency situation come up at work that had impacted a large number of his company's customers, and had the potential to effect a lot more. He put in extra hours, and I am so proud to say that he and his teammate came up with the solution (sorry to brag a little :)). His company was so thrilled with this solution that they showed their appreciation by giving him a free day off (he did not have to use any PTO) and sent us out to a nice dinner. Um, yes please! :)

DH took a Friday off and told me he wanted it to be a day we just enjoyed being together. I had already committed to babysitting my friend's 9 month old for the morning, so he just came with me and hung out. We ran some errands that afternoon and also spent some time going over our finances...nothing overtly special or exciting, but special and exciting because we got to do it all together. I kept offering for him to go do something "fun," but he assured me he just wanted a normal day with me. I was in heaven - spending time together doing just about anything definitely says "I love you" to me.

We went out to our fancy dinner that night, all dressed up and feeling like we were pretending to be grown ups. Our dinner was delicious and romantic. We started talking about adoption, and I asked DH one thing that I have hesitated to bring up - is he scared he won't be able love an adopted child like a biological one?

Let me back up here and say that I have hesitated asking this because I know the answer for him is NO. I know he will love our children whole heartedly, whether adopted or biological. But it is just one of those fears that lingers about adoption (and I would guess that everybody who has adopted had this question and fear). I know the answer cognitively, but in my heart I can still doubt that this will be the case. Plus, my DH is simply not a baby and small children person. He is not one to roll around on the floor with our friends' kids, and generally is pretty uninterested in them. So while I know he will love our children, sometimes it is just hard to imagine him with children in general, you know? I always thought he would have 9 months to watch my belly grow and see our baby on an ultrasound to "warm up" to the baby... but with adoption I wondered if we got a call out of the blue and picked up our baby, would he "take" to the baby?

But here, at our special dinner on our special date-day, I asked him this question. His face, his tone, and his words spoke volumes to me to erase any doubt.

He thought for a moment, and said, "Hillary, you know what a softie I am. You know the moment I hold my child in my arms I will be head over heels."

I loved that he used the word "softie," because it's so true! I had never thought of that quality of his in relation to him as a dad (probably because he doesn't interact much with kids), but one thing that is very unique about my husband is that he is very exuberant and outspoken about his affection. :) With me, with his parents, with his friends...all of us KNOW how much my husband cares about us because he tells us. Often. Let's just say I feel like a pretty lucky girl to have a husband who expresses his love so earnestly and so often!

He went on to say, "Actually, I've wondered if that's one reason God may have chosen us to be adoptive parents."

Melt.my.heart. He is so right. Of course we don't know why exactly God has set us on this path, but I think this is a pretty amazing guess in light of his gifts. An adopted child may have more questions about their family (both family of origin and their adopted family) than your average biological child, but I do think that with my husband as their dad they will have no doubt of his love.

So thankful for the ways God has gifted my husband - even if he isn't naturally a "kid person." :)

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This past weekend we attended a marriage conference at our church. In one of the break out sessions, we were instructed to write letters to each other responding to certain themes. After we wrote our letters, we then read them to each other. (Yes, it sounds a little cheesy, but it was actually done well:)

In one part of my husband's letter he wrote that he is committed in his role to lead our family, and one way he would like to grow in this is to lead more as we begin to pursue adoption. (Melt my heart again!). He said he has been absorbing a lot of information that I have read and told him, but he knows this is a huge step for us and that he wants to take a more active role researching with me. And he knows how much it will encourage and help me, too.

I shed happy and thankful tears. Lots of them.

13 comments:

andreajennine said...

Love every bit of this post.

kkasun said...

Wow, it sounds like God blessed you with a wonderful husband and a strong marriage. Maybe that is why adoption is your path, because he knows you can handle some of the hurdles with it.
What a wonderful hubby you have!!!

A said...

both of these conversations are SO heaven-sent!! so glad you have some happy tears!!

Rach said...

So so sweet. Brings a smile to my face. I love how you have such a strong marriage. What great role models for a future child (biological or adopted).

Meg said...

That time together (away from work) and that dinner was such a God-planned event. I'll bet He was so excited to be there to enjoy that conversation with the two of you.

What an incredible, God filled marriage. Oh, how you're blessed!

Leah said...

Your husband sounds like an amazing and supportive man. It sounds like he is really at peace with the path that God has put you on, and that is amazing. :)

You two will be wonderful parents someday. :)

Anonymous said...

This post was so touching. Thank you!

cowgirltn said...

I love seeing love shining down on you. In my prayers I've been asking god to shine his love down on you.

jones said...

beautiful

Rachel DeBell said...

There are a few tears headed down my cheeks as I read this. Hillary, I just love everything about what you wrote. I love that you both have been patient with God leading you, and you haven't rushed it. Its obvious He is doing great things in both of you as you let Him lead you down this path, rather than the other way around. Powerful things are ahead, I just know it. Your family is already so blessed!

Britney said...

i have chills ALL OVER ME.

Melody said...

Oh how neat. So glad for this sweet conversation over your fancy schmancy dinner.

Keiko said...

You are truly blessed to have such a strong, loving husband. What a wonderful post and thank you for sharing a very emotionally intimate peek into your marriage. *hugs*