Friday, January 7, 2011

A special hello to lurkers

This blog has been an amazing place to process, grieve, reflect, and receive support. I can't say it enough - thank you for sitting with me. I won't always be in this place. I was reminded today in my Bible reading that God has a plan, and I am waiting for it to unfold. Thank you for waiting with me.

I have been incredibly blessed by so many of you who regularly comment, and how we share a friendship through our blogs. I have also been surprised, thankful, and amazed for support from all over the world - particularly those of you who reached out to me through email to share your own stories, prayers, and support. This is always so humbling, totally unexpected, but much appreciated.

In the early days of blogging, I always tried to leave a comment or respond in some way to anybody who left a comment here. Unfortunately, as my readership grew this required more time and attention, but my grief simultaneously grew and my motivation and energy to comment waned. All that to say, I have been slacking on responding to many of your comments and I'm sorry!

But this week is blog delurking week, and I want to say a special hello to all of my readers - even you lurkers! I would love for you to leave a comment over the next few days and say hello - even if you have commented before. Why are you reading my little ol' blog? Tell me a little about yourself. I would love to "meet you," but if that is too intimidating an anonymous "hello" will do. And if you leave a comment that links to a blog or some way to contact you, I will definitely stop by and "meet you" in your space - no more slacking. :)

54 comments:

lifebytheday said...

I will always thank God that I "met" you, and will continue to pray that you get the family you are meant to have.

Hugs!
Jeannine

Mrs. Lydon said...

Hello!!!
I love that you are doing this. My name is Kate, I have been followeing your blog for a while now because I relate to a lot that you go through. I respect the grieving process as one who grieves with you and for you. I know it takes a lot of energy to reach out when trying so hard to heal. I like your blog (or you) inparticular because I am trying to grow in my faith through all the struggles with infertility. You give me hope that God really does have a plan, and tech me with your posts that I need to give a little bit more of my life to him than I do. Thanks for that :)

Rosie said...

My name is Rose, I'm in the Navy, I live in Italy (for now). I'm infertile, been at it for 3.5 years now. I have limited options here. I'm scared to even think that I need IVF. I love your blog because it's real. You hurt and you're scared, but you're faithful and you're resilient. I wish I could be like that. You give me hope that someday I'll be ready to accept that I need to move onto more invasive methods to have a child. You just seem to face your fears and uncertainties with such grace. I love your blog! Thanks for sharing:)

jeanna said...

You are such a sweetie! I think anyone who reads your blog can see the light of Christ shining through your words and it draws bloggers/people to you. I can't help as another sister in Christ to comment from time to time. Just so you know that a gal from NC is praying for you and your future family. Don't feel that you have to post back, you have before. I don't post for comments, just to give encouragement.

Little bio on me:
Christian since 1989, married my DH in 2005, TTC for 14 months when blessed with twin boys that were stillborn at 19 weeks a year ago today. PG again and due in 5 weeks with another boy.

I wish the best for you in 2011 and I am so HOPEFUL for you!

Rebecca said...

Just recently found your blog through someone else (sadly I can't remember where!). Haven't quite gotten caught up on your backstory but I'm here!

Heather said...

Hi, I'm Heather. I live on the east coast and have been following your story for a while. I've commented a few times. I don't remember how I found your blog - just hopping around from blog to blog. I usually keep on hopping but I was captured by your story and added you to my blog reader. I struggled with infertility for 18 months. After several types of drugs didn't work I was told by my RE that I had PCOS/unexplained IF and would probably never get pregnant on my own. (She gave me a 3% chance). We didn't have the money at the time for IVF so I just went home and cried. 3 months later I was pregnant. I stopped BCP when my son turned 1 and 3 months later I was pregnant again. I hope it doesn't upset you to hear my story. I have so much compassion for those whose infertility is so much more intense than mine was. I can't imagine how it feels for it to go on and on. But even after having my 2 bous, it still stings when I have friends who accidentally get pregnant or get pregnant the first time they try. I want people to have to really want it and work for it like I did. And like so many others are still doing. Month after month, year after year. I hope 2011 is your year and that IF will be a chapter in your past soon.

Veronique said...

Hi,

I`m one of the lurkers I think..lol

I love reading your blog. You`re such an inspiration!

I`m a christian mother of 3 and I am becoming a surrogate mother hopefully soon (we will have an embryo transfer next month)

I have a blog too. Please feel free to take a look and even become a ''follower'' if you want.

http://www.lifeasaluce.blogspot.com/

May God Bless you abundantly!

VĂ©ronique

lifecapitalIF said...

Hi!
Yep! I'll admit it...I'm a lurker...relatively new to blogging and dealing with IF offically for just about a year now. Reading your (and other blogs) is comforting - not that I would ever wish IF on ANYONE but it helps to know my DH and I are not alone in this struggle.

Alicia said...

Hello!
I have been "lurking" for awhile now but I am officially a follower. I am in the earlier stages of TTC (15mo) and we have been diagnosed with male and female factor infertility. Your honesty and faith have encouraged and inspired me and thats why I read your blog. So thank you! Feel free to visit my blog. God bless you!

www.throughthewaters43.blogspot.com
~Alicia

kmensing said...

Hello!
Yep I too admit I'm a lurker. I've really enjoyed following you on your journey and have found your honesty, faith and openness about what your are going through inspirational.
I am in the process of IVF #2 and I find comfort in reading your blog as it helps me to not feel so alone. Fell free to pop over and take a peak at mine if you want.
http://mensingbabyjourney.blogspot.com/

I wish you the best in 2011 !
God Bless
Kim

The Gist Fam said...

I've been reading for several months now, and have commented a few times. I too am dealing with infertility. Your faith and hope has been evident in each post, and I will continue to pray for you in the year to come!

Ami said...

Hi Hillary,

I comment pretty regularly :) and I read your blog for many reasons...One, like so many others, we TTC for 4 years and only after 4 IUIs, surgery, and 5 IVFs did I miraculously get pregnant with triplets, (who are now on the brink of turning 2). You are so real, so inspirational and your blog reminds ME to be humble and grateful for what God finally gave me. I never want to forget what we went through because it's part of our story and I KNOW I'm a better mother for having to work so hard to get there.

I also read because I KNOW there is going to be a happy ending for you, and I want to be here when it happens to cheer you on! Through whatever avenue it takes, you WILL be a mother. Women as amazing as you have too much to give...God has big plans for you, for sure! Big hopes for 2011. :)

~Ami
www.bunchbabies.blogspot.com

andreajennine said...

Not a lurker, but I'll gladly say, "Hello, friend!"

M3MU said...

Lurker here. :) I'm new to your blog through someone else's (I like to blog hop. Sometimes you find a gem. Like yours) I've only commented once.
Much like you we are beginning the adoption process. In fact we just attended our orientation class and got our packet today! Wishing you the best of luck.

<3 M3MU. (real name- Maren)

M3MU said...

I'm an idiot. I was looking at multiple blogs. Pulled up the wrong window. Ignore my last comment. So the first this is yes I'm a space case and have too many balls in the air haha. Love your blog. Now I'm too flustered to find what to say!

kkasun said...

Hi

I have been following you for a little while now and made a few comments!

I can't wait to hear where your journey goes. You are in my thoughts and I hope things start looking up!

Tami said...

Hi! I have been reading for a few weeks, after blog hopping around. I have also been dealing with IF, my DX is PCOS. We have been trying for just about 7 years. We got pg last year for the first time, and miscarried at almost 10 weeks. Been on break ever since...you can read more about it on my blog if you would like, myinfertilelifeunedited.blogspot.com
Thanks for sharing your journey. :)

Jessica said...

Hello! My name is Jessica and I've been 'lurking' for quite a while. I live in NC and have been following since I started blogging myself. I'm not sure if I've ever commented or not. And most recently I really just follow. I contemplated posting because after a 2 year journey of infertility and TTC I have 8 month old twins. I feel like I never suffered quite like you have been suffering and I certainly don't want to see like I'm just another infertility success story. I pray for your constantly with your struggle and quite honestly ball at most of your post. Your are a much stronger person to have made it as far as you have. I pray that the new year blesses you with a beautiful child in whatever way that may be. Please feel free to stop by and meet my family. However, I understand if it might be to hard for you as well. But please know that we pray for you!

http://lifeofwebbs.blogspot.com

MsBabyPlan said...

Hello,

I've been following your blog for awhile. I read it but not leave a comment all the time.

I love happy ending stories and I wish that after your struggle one day I will open your blog and read the beautiful news of a healthy baby on the way for you.

We are TTC too and hopefully the joy will come this year for you and many women TTC.

Happy 2011 :)!

lastchanceivf said...

I've been a spotty reader for a while...

We went through five failed IVFs and have just received a referral for two babies from Ethiopia and we are over the moon thrilled to be moving in this direction, something finally feels wonderful and amazing again....I'm about to start an entire new blog to document that journey :)

I know the pain you are in and it's awful. And I won't even try to say try what we did (adoption) because I think this is one of the most intensely personal journeys a person can be on...and everyone's experience is so unique. What makes my heart sing and heals it is not necessarily what makes someone else's, etc. But just know you've got others out there who have been through multiple failures...you're not alone. I wish only the best for you.

BreLynne said...

I've been following your blog for a long time now. I am currently going through my 1st IVF cycle on the antagonist protocol. My husband has been diagnosed with Azoopermia. You can read about our journey on my blog I just started. I hope 2011 brings us all the joy we deserve. I look forward to continuing this journey with you. Best wishes!

Amy said...

I'm a lurker. Mainly because I just don't know what to say because I have not been in your shoes. I found your blog 2 years ago when we were having trouble ttc. At that point, we went the adoption route and got our amazing son! Near the end of the adoption process we found out that we were pregnant and will be having that baby in March.

So mainly I don't comment because I know how hard it can be for woman who struggle with fertility issues to be around pregnant woman. But just know, I have been cheering you on from the quiet sidelines!

Mommy-In-Waiting said...

Hello! Just wanted to say I love your blog. Infertility is a horrbile thing to go through, and it seems like such a taboo subject in the real world. DH and I have been TTC over 3 years so it helps to read about others in similar situations. I wish you and your DH all the best in 2011, no matter what you decide to do.

Cadie said...

Hello! I have commented only a couple of times, but have prayed for you many many times. I am a fellow believer in our Lord and Saviour, Jesus. I have been reading your blog for quite some time and still hoping for you. I have been married for almost 5 years now and have a little one year old girl. We are pregnant with our second little girl and just learned that she has a disease which most likely will take her to Heaven. The Lord is good, though. I guess we all have our struggles in this life. I've got a blog you can check out if you've got the time. :)

Hillary said...

Total lurker here, but have comment a couple of times. I found your blog by blog hopping, and follow it because I can relate. Infertile, Christian, grieving, etc. I blogged because it helped me cope and reading other's blogs helped me feel less alone. We have so much joy in our lives now with our daughter Colbie who we welcomed (through adoption) in November.

Fellow Infertile Hillary

Lofgren Family said...

Hillary -

I have been a lurker for almost a year now. I found your blog through my friend Ami's blog. Although I haven't experienced it myself, I believe that infertility is one of the toughest things to face in life. I am touched by your blog and send prayers your way. I hope that 2011 brings you great joys and blessings. If you are interested, feel free to stop by my blog at:

http://lofgrenfive.blogspot.com/

'Murgdan' said...

*waving* Regular reader...irregular commenter. But I'm here. Hoping for all the best for you!

Kakunaa said...

Hi :) I can't remember how I found you...perhaps ICLW last year? And I stuck around! HUGS.

Carole said...

I love your blog because you speak so beautifully from the heart. I wish you and your DH all the best and hope with all my heart that this year is the one for you to become a mom. You'll be a great mom!!

Jennifer said...

I love your blog...I love your honesty. I've been following for a while and think I've commented before...but not often. After TTC for 3 years we opted to pursue adoption because of a few factors...money and my age. Plus we felt that is where God was leading us. :)

Emry said...

Hello. Lurker here, though I have commented once. I found your blog through someone else's site, and I've read it ever since. I haven't dealt with the infertility problems that you have, but I know that I so easily could have. I like your writing and I pray for you often. I hope so much that you get the family you want, and soon.

Anonymous said...

I check your blog daily. My husband and I are going through infertility because of PCOS. You are such an encouragment to me. I have never commented. Thank you for helping me even though Im a complete stranger.
Julie

rae said...

I love your blog! Not sure how I found it. My husband and I are on year 5 of infertility and will be doing IVF for the first time soon, so I appreciate your honesty!

Kelli said...

I think I'm the opposite of a lurker, but I'll say hi anyway! LOVE YOU!

Kelli said...

I think I'm the opposite of a lurker, but I'll say hi anyway! LOVE YOU!

Rachael said...

Hi there! I'm a regular reader but somewhat spotty commenter. I've been ttc for over 3 years now. I am a born and bred Chicagoan that lives in Wisconsin now. GL to you hun!!

Anonymous said...

Hi.

Andrea said...

Another lurker! I never blogged about our TTC journey but after over 2 years of trying we were blessed with twin girls -- and most recently a surprise baby girl. No matter how much time goes by, I will always remember the feelings and emotions during our journey through infertility. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you continue your journey!

Hillary said...

Hi Hillary, I initially stumbled upon your blog sometime ago and I laughed to myself because my name is Hillary too and so I started reading you! While I dont suffer as you do with infertility I still identify with your pain as I have 2 babies in heaven. Keep up the great posts!I love to read you!

Jess said...

Looks like you have a lot of work to catch up on with all your comments! ;)

My name is Jess and I have gone through infertility for 4 years, same amount of years I've been married. I am a music therapist/CNA/nurse-to-be...but waiting to be blessed with a baby from God.

I look forward to continue following you and wish you the best!

http://bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com/

Christina said...

Hi Hillary, I just found your blog through Stirrup Queens. I am also a Christian going through IF. We are staring down the barrel of IVF because of MFI (DH was recently diagnosed with varicoceles), and you are the first IF blogger who has similar reservations about the procedure. Your faithfulness in your approach to IVF is truly inspiring. I will definitely be following your journey. I am praying for you and for all of us going through this difficult journey.

Kandy P said...

hi there, i found your blog off of another one that i read, and just started checking it out today. you have been on a rough road, and i commend you for the thought and devotion you are putting into all of your Godly decisions.

In a nutshell, DH and I had male factor infertility and after 5 1/2 yrs of trying we did IVF with ICSI and achieved a single pregnancy w/o frozen babies left. we now have a 1 1/2yr old boy who is the absolute light of our eye! there is life after infertility, but the road there is a very hard one to travel.

Anonymous said...

What words..

enjoyingnow said...

Hi Hillary. I used to have an infertility blog "barrenandbelieving" {maybe you remember it?} but now I only use this blog. I have continued to read your posts and to pray for you the past year.

I love what a true faith you have through disappointment and know that God is using you in many people's lives to lead them to Him. I seriously can't wait to see how God will answer your hearts desire in the coming year(s).

Frozen Egg Bank Mom said...

Like many others, sometimes I don't know what to say. Seems that others put it into words better than I can.

Anonymous said...

I am a lurker (yeah, i know), but I read your blog cause it's so honest and while i just started on this path, I believe you speak for millions of women and I pray for you and anxiously await your first mummy to be post, cause girl....ITS A COMING!

Erin said...

Still keeping up with you, but I may not comment everytime. We are proof that not everyone stays in IF forever. We did wait 5 year for our miracle, though!

Richard and McKenna said...

I am a lurker who really enjoys your blog! Being a women of faith I LOVE the faith and trust that you have! My husband and I had 3 miscarriages in about 14 months before my little boy was born almost a year ago. Although our paths are different, I remember how it felt to want so bad to be a mommy. Keep it up! I hope 2011 brings you the best present ever! :)

Anonymous said...

I recently met with an immune RE, after my 3rd failed transfer and he advised the following tests-

Level 1 tests were:

1. Full blood count, liver function tests, Urea and Electrolytes
2. Thyroid function tests (both free T4 and TSH)
3. Immunoglobulin panel (IgG, IgA and IgM)
4. Autoimmune antibodies (must include anti-nuclear antibodies,
thyroid peroxidase and anti-mitochondrial antibodies)
5. Anticardiolipin antibodies (both IgC and IgM)
6. Thrombophilia (must include lupus anticoagualant, Factor V Leiden
and Panthrombin gene mutation)

Level 2 immune tests aka the 'Chicago Tests'.
Natural Killer Assay
Th1:Th2 intracellular cytokine ratios
HLA DQ alpha (male)
HLA DQ alpha (female)
MRTHR
Leukocyte antibody detection

He also suggested an hysteroscopy even though I have had a saline HSG, and a swab to test for bacterial (urea mucoplasma, STD etc. ) infections.

Please discuss these tests with your RE- turns out I need additional PIO support and intralipids for antibodies to hormones and TNFa imbalance (in recent study Intralipids increased success 6 fold (!!) for women on their 7th transfer (after 6 failed) as they balance the immune system)- and I urge you to read Dr Beer `Is Your Body Baby Friendly?`.

xo

Angie said...

Hello, I have been following your blog for awhile, but I'm not sure if I have ever commented. I have struggled with IF for 4 years and started reading IF blogs about 9 months ago when I was really struggling. I have found encouragement countless times from reading your posts. I can relate to so much of what you are going through. I have since started a blog about my own journey. Feel free to check it out.

Angie

Jean said...

Hillary, I just ran across your blog a few weeks ago. I was an infertility patient 12 years ago. I was told I could not have children. I was not an IVF candidate because I could not produce enough eggs. My husband and I were on a waiting list for an egg donor when I found out I was pregnant. I had forgotten about my cycle. I was several weeks along. I have two daughters now. We went from a void of no hope to a family. I also know families with precious stories of adoption. I pray you will find peace this year. All my pain was worth it. I am a better mother and appreciate my family every day. Jean

BumpEnvy said...

Just randomly found your site linked to another. Hello. :)

Andrea said...

Hello, I'm also a lurker :) I found your blog a few months ago linked from another blog. I have not been in your situation, so I cannot imagine how difficult it is, but I see your strength and pray for your happy ending. I have a different journey, my daughter was recently born with a cleft lip and cleft palate, and we have started on the path towards her new smile. I remind myself daily that God blessed me with this sweet baby girl to care for, and how lucky we are to have her. You can see her journey on www.caringbridge.org, site name nataliesmith824, if you would like. Good luck to you and god bless.
Andrea

Caroline said...

Hi Hillary,

I just wanted to let you know that I think of you every day. I read your blog and I pray for a wonderful outcome for you.
You're an amazing person.
Hugs,
Caroline x