Monday, November 29, 2010

Strength

Thank you for all of your sweet comments, encouragements, and prayers for DH & I. I have gone to bed each night crying, and woken up each morning crying, but was thankful for a full weekend of activity with my IL's that gave me a reprieve from my weeping. I can't bear to feel all of it for too long at one time. But little by little I am grieving and processing, and DH & I have taken small steps towards thinking and praying about what's next.

I am incredibly thankful that it is God who does the work in us, and not me. I am so thankful I can rest in him and rely on him. That this is what he is honored by - not me trying to "make it" on my own. Because I couldn't. I don't feel strong, but he gives me strength. I don't know how to trust him, but I pray that he would help me to trust. I fear, but I lay my fears at his feet. Thank you, Lord, for for this mercy and grace. I have nothing to offer but a broken heart, but I am humbled by the fact that this burdened heart of mine is all that you ask for. And thank you that these are momentary troubles in light of eternity. When I am really hurting, the promises of heaven and Jesus' return are such a sweet comfort. Come, Lord Jesus.

18 comments:

jlynn said...

I know there are no words that can make it feel any better, but know you are being thought of. I pray you are able to find some peace. Big huge (((hugs)))

Rebekah said...

Praying that God wraps you tightly in his arms and comforts you. I'm heartbroken for you and your husband. ((hugs))

Momo said...

Hillary,

I feel your pain and pray that you will find some peace.
God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes..Rev 7:17

Veronique said...

Your posts always inspire me. May God Bless and comfort you!!

http://lifeasaluce.blogspot.com/

Emry said...

Praying for you.

AL said...

I am so sorry for the negative. Sending hugs and strength.

andreajennine said...

Amen, dear. Continuing to pray for you.

A said...

(HUG) Praying God will bless you with a merciful peace that only He can give

AplusB said...

Thinking of you.

Christy said...

Hillary - is is a short prayer that still helps me every day: Thank you, Lord for all the blessings in my life. Help me to remember them as I face the challenges of infertility. I pray that I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have the wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strengthen my body, mind and spirit to endure the trials of infertility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us your peace. Amen.

Thinking of you and your husband!!

Britney said...

Such a sweet and honest prayer. He is honored and glorified by how you are living out your story.

Mrs. Hoppy said...

I'm thinking of you and your DH, I hope you feel peace soon. ((hugs))

Andrea said...

Lifting you in prayer today and in the coming days. My heart aches when I read your words and the tears fall right along with you. I remember those days of falling asleep on a tear sodden pillow, puffy eyes and little to no motivation to engage with others. Praying for God to take the pain and pave my path....

You are in my prayers. Continue writing, as I found it to be the one avenue by which I could voice my hurt and be received with kindness, love and understanding. It proved to be healing when little else did.

Bless you sweet friend
xxx

Christa said...

Oh Hillary I'm so so sorry and I know it's not nearly enough...you are such a resilient and positive person that I just know you and your DH will be parents one day...you're in my thoughts. (((hugs)))

Tabitha said...

This is such a beautiful, honest post. I'm praying that the Lord leads and guides you into a plan so beautiful, you'll be blown away!!! I'm so excited to see where He takes you next!

Melissa G said...

Beautiful post.

hugs, friend.

Courtney said...

I know the feeling of wanting Jesus to come back too. During the struggles of infertility I felt that way a lot. I feel that way sometimes even now that I'm pregnant and I'm sure I will feel that way when my child is here. Life is a freaking roller coaster. And I am sorry that right now you are on the downturn. I was on that downturn for 3 years. BUT, the good news is.. in times like these.. it can only get better! There is hope for a sunnier day to come! I promise.

God bless you sweet girl.

I will be praying for you

Rambler said...

I hope you have continued to find the strength since you last wrote this post. It's such a struggle, but having the faith that you do is amazing. You're an incredible lady. Many hugs to you.