Monday, November 22, 2010

7dp3dt: Wavering

First of all, I am thankful to report that my progesterone & estrogen came in nice and high today. A nurse I had never even heard of before left me the message (must be new), and she included the specific numbers (the other nurses usually don't unless I ask). Progesterone was 37 and Estrogen was 468....

This morning I had an entire post composed in my head that would have been titled "Calling it." And then I was going to say how this cycle feels exactly like every other, and so I am predicting this cycle is a negative. I felt really down last night and this morning, like I was already mourning the babies that would have been.

But then I decided I don't want to give up hoping just yet. I want a few more days to cautiously dream and pray hopefully for these two embryos. I don't want to spiral into the depths of sadness yet. If that is where I end up - what can I do anyway? But I don't have to be there today.

Four more days until beta on Friday.

I don't think I will be testing early, since I need to make it through two Thanksgivings on Thursday.

I am trying to remain hopeful, but it is really hard.

26 comments:

Rachel said...

I'm praying for you... that you will have something extra special to be thankful for this year!

Kakunaa said...

Hang on until Friday. You can do it, I know you have the strength. HUGS.

lifebytheday said...

Thinking of and praying for you...and hoping that the end of your hope means the same thing that mine did.

If I don't talk to you again, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Hugs,
Jeannine

Hannah said...

I'll be praying for you this week! I know it's so hard to hang on to hope but that's what I'll be praying for you. Lots of hugs!

kdactyl said...

Oh Hillary...I know how hard this is. Just hang in there for 4 more days. I will continue to pray for you and your embies that they are nestling in and growing nicely.
kd

Andrea said...

Oh Hillary, I know what you mean. During my last cycle I wrote a post titled "feel like giving up", as I had no symptoms and felt just like I did with every other failed cycle. I cried myself to sleep and told my Husband it was over, because I knew that it was. Everything was the SAME.

However, the end result was far from that BFN that I "knew" was coming. Hang on to your HOPE honey...firmly grasp HIS hand :)

I'm praying for you and have FAITH that your miracle(s) is on its way.

Much Love and Prayers Always
xxx

Melissa G said...

Hoping with you, Hill.

Mellow said...

WE are all being hopeful for you. :) Hang in there.

Britney said...

I know how you feel. At this point, it has either worked or not, and there is nothing you can do or not do about it. I agree with your decision not to test. God already knows the outcome, and all you can continue to do is pray, beseech Him, and ask that His will be done.

Courtney said...

Still praying for you!!

XOXO

amy said...

I will be praying for you and expecting for you to KEEP.YOUR.HOPES.UP!!

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

kkasun said...

Fingers crossed! Keep up the faith!

Melody said...

Praying for you Hillary this Thanksgiving week. I hope Thursdsay is a great day for your family. I will be praying Friday.

pookiedoo87 said...

Praying so hard for you and your little embryos!

carrie said...

I have been following your journey. All of my prayers are with you! I know how you feel...I wish I didn't, but I do. I'm praying that you can enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday even though you will have a lot on your mind. Most importantly, I will be praying that your dreams come true on Friday. Whatever the outcome, though, trust in His plan. Much love to you.
~Carrie

Melis.sa said...

Waiting with you. I have faith that this will work!!

Leah said...

I'm remaining hopeful for you! And what wonderful progesterone and estrogen levels. I remember finding out I was pregnant, and my progesterone was 24 at the time. Your numbers sound great. :)

Mrs. Hoppy said...

I REALLY hope this is it for you, don't give up hope yet!

Heather said...

H-

I totally understand- and I only had my transfer yesterday!!!! the wavering and doubtingis a very awful part of this unknowing!!!

hold on to that hope!!! its not over yet babe!!!

praying for you!
Heather

ventingvagina said...

keep hoping! friday will be here soon! wishing you the very best of luck for good news in a few days!

RMCarter said...

I've been going through the same thing. We both need to keep the faith! :) I find out on Monday. Praying that we both get the shock of our life! :)

AplusB said...

I will remain hopeful for you Hillary!! Hope you have a great news in a few days.

Christa said...

Fingers crossed Hillary! I hope this is it for you!

Erin said...

Those levels are great! With my pg, my P4 was only 6. You are on the right track!

Meg said...

Please know you are being lifted up as it's only hours now.

Craig DeBell said...

I have not stopped thinking about you, despite the holiday distractions. In fact today, my family watched a YouTube video online, and I started laughing then started sobbing in front of EVERYONE! I think deep down it was a cry from deep in my soul for you, for me and for all the other infertiles and subfertiles out there! I felt ridiculous, my family thinks I've lost it, but either way I just want you to know my heart is crying out to Jesus on your behalf this week!