I had stopped by a friend's house on Friday to wish her a happy birthday. She is a stay at home mom to 3 kids, and we are in a church Bible study together that takes place weekly at their house.
When her son asked me this, I was stunned silent for a moment. We have shared our infertility with our whole Bible study....but after the kids had gone to bed. So I was surprised to hear this question come out of his mouth, and from the corner of my eye I could also see the embarrassed look on his mom's face.
I was surprised that he knew to even ask the question, but I didn't mind that he knew. Later his mom apologized, and said that the kids pray for our whole Bible study, and they had shared this with their son as a prayer request. Honestly I was touched that their kids would pray for us!
The real shock, however, was the bluntness that only a child has (or perhaps a few socially awkward adults :)). Many friends know about our infertility, but if any of them ask about it they use a softer, less direct method. As he said it, I felt like a normal, light-hearted conversation had suddenly shifted and knocked the wind out of me.
I managed a smile, gave a generic answer, and the conversation moved forward.
DH & I went out to dinner that night. I told him about this conversation and how shaken I felt. We had a nice night out, but I didn't feel quite like myself. We then went home to watch Le.gally Blond - a movie I own for some strange reason, but hadn't watched in years. On the way home, DH wanted to stop at Re.dbox to see if there were any good new movies there, and of course he found one (the new K.arate Kid - he was feeling nostalgic)....which I wasn't very excited about. Since we own the other I figured we might as well watch the rental, but after we started watching the other movie I got upset. I felt like a whiny 4-year-old... "But I don't wanna watch that movie!," but I tried to suck it up and enjoy the movie (it wasn't that good, but nothing to complain about, either).
The movie ended and all of my emotions flooded out. I was crying with a stream of tears trickling down my face, but not heavy crying. Just constant crying. I was sad in a life-is-hard kind of way, even though the trigger to this hard life was watching a movie that I didn't really want to see (I know, poor baby).
But, really, don't you have those days? When the weight of whatever struggles you face bear down on you? And even though you are so blessed and have a "good life," especially compared to people in much more difficult circumstances, you can just feel the sorrow of knowing life is not what it is meant to be? That even when this current struggle is over, there will be a new one? As DH & I talked about it, he could really relate. He has been having a difficult time at work lately, and although he overall enjoys his job and is thankful to have it, the endless toil of work has been a burden to him.
It made us think of Ecclesiastes, and it comforted us to read this:
1The words of the Teacher, a]">[a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:
2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.