Thursday, September 2, 2010

Processing

Finding out that my brother is expecting has not been as difficult as I expected, but it has been the kind of news that is constantly pulsing through my mind. Most often it's the same pieces of information and the same emotions whirling around over and over again, but occasionally there will be a new thought to add to the mix. I have told any friend I have seen in the last two days - it is one of the first thing that bursts out of my mouth, almost like I can't contain it.

My brother himself called me a few hours after my mom told me the news - I acted surprised when he told me. I was actually quite touched that he called, since we have never really had a "close" relationship, but my family and I have been working on it. Also, I had the realization that I have been so very blessed with my family: I have my younger brother with whom I am much closer, a loving relationship with my parents, four grandparents who loved on me like no other (three have passed away), and an aunt and an uncle with no children of their own....I have had many close family relationships. This realization came in contrast to the fact that my older brother has not really had this, and, to some extent, we are some of the only family he has. I became thankful that when he had happy news, he called our dad to tell him - and even called me!

And how could I not feel happiness for him in light of his own happiness? I could tell even through the phone that his cheeks were probably sore from smiling so much, and he probably wished he could shout, "I'm going to be a dad!" from the rooftops. As difficult as the situation is, I have decided to hope and pray for the best for him and his new family. Perhaps this will be a positive turning point in his life.

The final gut punch, however, is that he told my dad they have already picked out names. Out of the millions of names out there, can you believe they picked the same girl's name that we have? Claire (or Clara, my dad couldn't remember). I know it's not the most unusual name, but still?!? In my effort to fight the temptation to feel bitter, however, I have decided to pray that they have a boy! Ha.

I am praying for God to give me strength, peace, and grace to extend love to my brother (and his baby!) without holding anything back.

17 comments:

Rach said...

LOL!!! I can relate to this sooo much. When I found out my sister was pregnant I was so crushed. I myself have always longed for a daughter and I THANKED God so much when I found out they were having a boy. If it would have been a girl I'm not sure I would have made it.

One Who Understands said...

So proud that you are taking it so well. These things are always so hard. I will pray they have a boy too!

(((HUGS)))

Heather said...

bless your heart honey! I know how that feels with thename. We have been TTC for ever ad then my 20 year old cousin gets pregnant 2 months ag=fter getting married- and bam! She names her Chloe!! She KNEW that was my name! So it does feel like a slap, but I am so glad you may be able to see some goodness in this and love you outlook on it today!

Love you sweetie! Keep the faith!

We actually made th first call today about adoption and feel somewhat encouraged, but also like I have given up on a dream. So many mixed emotions I will blog about later! {{{HUGS}}}

Bobbi Johnson said...

Praying they have a boy too!!!! :)

Kakunaa said...

Luckily I pick really bizarre names, but I am hoping for a boy, too, so you get to keep your name. HUGS.

Anonymous said...

My bro and his wife are about to have a baby... an 'oops'... and we have been trying for almost three years, including a year of fertility treatments. You are taking it much better than I. I still don't know what names they have in mind, but that has been a huge concern of mine too. I decided to screw it, if it was a name I was already thinking of, then my parents will have to deal with having two grandchildren with the same name. No one owns a name.

A said...

I just got updated with you this morning. I am so sorry for the news, but you are definitely bearing it well. I like Clara, too!! ;-) Maybe they will have a boy...

Michelle said...

You are an amazing person and are handling this situation so well! I am so proud of you. I will pray for you to have strength, peace and grace and I KNOW you will love that baby regardless when HE's born. You better believe I'm praying for a boy too!! :0)
LOVE YOU!! xoxoxo

Mrs. Hammer said...

I will join you in prayer for a boy as well :0) Our good friends got pregnant with their second the same time we got our first positive pregnancy. It made the July anniversary of it's due date even harder to learn they A) had a baby when we should have been having ours and B) picked the same girl name we have loved forever.

So I'm really, really going to pray for a nephew for you!!!

Jess said...

Hold in there! Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise for you. Maybe there is something special coming out of this for you. Praying you remain positive in supporting your family and future nephew (ahem, baby). :)

Jess
http://bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on becoming an auntie! Praying that (boy or girl) the baby will be healthy and welcomed into your family with open hearts. My brother became a Dad this summer to a beautiful baby girl and she is just the joy of all her lives. Before the baby we barely knew his girlfriend but now, I'm closer to her than my own sister! Congrats again! Clare (sorry anon- google account trouble)

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MsBabyPlan said...

I think you are doing the right thing by feeling happy for them. God will always bless those with pure heart ;).

Have a great Sunday.

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Beth said...

It's quite normal to feel jealous about this, but I hope you can work through it. This is an opportunity to have a CHILD in your life that you can love and create some wonderful memories for. Perhaps even - and especially - if it turns out to be a girl with a name you love - perhaps you should take that as a sign instead of a curse. I am very happy for you to have this chance - both for this baby in your life and the chance to become closer to your brother through this event.