Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Unexpected family news

I've had my share of pregnancy announcements over the last few years, but I always felt rather "safe" within my family.

On DH's side, he has 2 older brothers. One married an older woman who is past her child bearing years (and has 3 children from a previous marriage), and the other has a 9-year-old son. He and his wife *could* have another child, but from comments they have made, his wife's rather serious health issues, and the fact that their son is nine has made us always feel pretty certain they were "one and done."

On my side, I have a single 25 year-old brother. I also have a half brother twelve years older than me. He married and divorced in his twenties, and then re-married about five years ago. This is the long-lost brother I mentioned in December where I described the situation: "He and my dad (and thus, my family) were not in contact with him for a ten year period while I was in high school/ college, but he got married 5 years ago and our connection was re-established. Needless to say, with such limited contact, he is my brother but he is also like an acquaintance. DH, my parents, and I went out to visit him & his wife 2 years ago, and now they are coming out here to visit us this weekend." The update from that post is that we had a really great visit in December, and I think we all felt like we were starting to bond. We particularly liked his wife - she was sweet and really fun to hang out with.

However, a few months after our visit in December, my brother called to let us know that he and his wife were getting divorced. We were all saddened to hear this news, and my ever-cynical brother seemed even more cynical about life and relationships. They are currently separated and waiting for their divorce to finalize.

So, of the above mentioned people, can you guess who we got a pregnancy announcement from?? Really, any of them would have been rather shocking and surprising.

But, yes, my older half brother called to tell my dad he's going to be a Grandpa. The mother of his child is somebody he apparently has known since 5th grade but we have never met or heard of. She is also in the process of getting her second divorce, and already has an 18-year-old and 13-year-old from her previous marriage.

While I am happy that he is happy, and happy that this is a child - what a miracle - it was hard news to swallow today. It sounds like a fairly dysfunctional situation to bring a baby into....so I hope he and his new girlfriend can make it work. But, really, when I am honest with myself I know I am simply jealous - jealous that she got pregnant at forty-one, jealous that they got pregnant under such non-ideal circumstances, and, most of all, jealous that he got to call and tell my dad he's going to be a grandpa.

I want to make my dad a grandpa. :(

18 comments:

Rach said...

Thats is a very dysfunctional situation. I'm so sorry that news came today.

Vi said...

Blast it. Lots of hugs to you H. -I'm thinking of you:)

Kelli said...

That's a tough one to swallow. Hugs for you my friend.

waiting for baby said...

I know exactly what you mean! I want to make my parents grandparents so bad! That's how I felt, I'm so close to my grandma, and I'm the oldest, so it's hard that my younger cousin gets to have the first great grandchild.

Lot's of hugs and prayers your way!

Mrs. Hammer said...

There are no words just {{HUGS}}

Life Happens said...

Pregnancy announcements are always hard to hear. While you are happy for the person, there is still that part of you that is slightly jealous. It's normal. I never understand how kids can be brought into this world under such serious dysfunctional circumstances sometimes, but it's not for us to understand, it's God's plan for them.

I hope and pray that you will be able to get to tell your dad that he will be a grandpa too!!

Melis.sa said...

I am jealous even when the situation is perfect for a child...

((HUGS))

Amber said...

I completely understand how hard it is to see people in situations like that get pregnant. In December when we finally told our family our struggles, a few weeks later my 18 yr old sister told us she was pregnant. Not married or dating. I praise God for our struggles because she was actually thinking about abortion. We had a very lengthy discussion about Infertility and adoption. She decided to keep the baby and is due in 3 weeks.

lifebytheday said...

Ugh, pregnancy announcements never get easier, especially those that seem dysfunctional and just NOT FAIR. I have this deep fear that my brother and his girlfriend will get pregnant before us...so I completely understand.

Hugs!

Leah said...

I'm so sorry Hillary. :( This brings back memories for me as well. I'll never forget my first IVF failing and finding out my older sister, who was unmarried at the time was pregnant. I was happy for the miracle, but so sad for me. Now I'm that baby's Godmother and she is the biggest blessing in my life. I'm so sorry for your shock though. It's never an easy thing to hear.

AplusB said...

Oh Hillary, this news must really sting. I'm so sorry you're faced with this challenging situation. I know you'll feel joy about the addition of a new family member, but that joy is tinged with disappointment and sadness. Will be thinking of you and your family.

Andrea said...

Oh Hillary,

I am in tears for you, as I know how you must be feeling. I've struggled with those feelings too and its so hard. So hard.

Know that I am praying for you sweet friend. Your miracle IS going to arrive. And I will pass along a sweet thought that Stacey passed along to me....

Do not cling to the Lord with your pinky finger, firmly grasp "his hand". I have no doubt that you are gripping his hand very firmly :)

Much Love

Just Believing said...

I totaly fel ya i have a cousin who in the mid of her divorce announces she is pregnant..fast forwrda baby is 14 months she is again getting divorced ( because they thought baby#1 would solve everything) and bam pregnant now with baby#2 they take care of neither child are hundreds of thousands in debt and yeah well you get y point

hang in there girl!

Kakunaa said...

I know...I wanted to be able to make that call, too. Grrr. I am sorry, sweetie.

kdactyl said...

Your feelings are completely valid. Jealousy is a natural human emotion so don't beat yourself up about it. You know in your heart you mean them no harm, you just want your dream to come true too.
Hugs..
kd

RMCarter said...

When you have infertility, it's seems it is so easy for your day to turn from bearable to crushing with just a simple phone call (or email, or facebook visit, etc etc). I am thinking of you.

Missy said...

Ugh, that is rough. Thinking of you.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry! It's normal to have those feelings! Praying for you!!
xoxoxoxo
Love you~Michelle