Monday, August 30, 2010

Snippets

This weekend we drove 16 hours round trip for a good friend's wedding. In fact, DH was the best man in the wedding. It was a joyful weekend....but we are soooo tired. I was a last minute "wedding coordinator" at the ceremony, and that was much more difficult and stressful than expected! I think it will take a few days for us to recover, but it was wonderful.

We met a couple there who had adopted a sibling set of 3 children from Africa. We talked with them for quite a while at the rehearsal dinner, and it was such a treat to talk to people on the "other side" who can once again remind us that there is another side to all of this. And they had quite a long journey! They started TTC 19 years ago, did infertility treatments with our same RE (they are from our area), decided to adopt 13 years ago, were matched with their children 12 years ago, and brought them home 6 years ago. Yes, they waited SIX YEARS to bring their children home. This story would have scared me if they hadn't been filled with such joy, and they said as difficult as those years were it was so worth it for their kids, and that those are the kids God wanted for them. Wow.

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Today I spent time with a woman I met at church a few months ago who I found out is most likely facing infertility. They have been TTC 10 months, and are about to start IF testing next month. It was great to swap stories and pray together, and I felt like I could counsel her a little about testing and treatments.

She and her husband are praying about whether to actually pursue treatments or adopt, and it sounds like she is leaning towards adoption. I confess I felt a little jealous that she already has such excitement and joy to take that path to build her family...and it made me feel like something is wrong with me for not desiring to adopt at this time. Am I holding something back from the Lord? Am I selfish in my desires? Is it crazy that after this long and this many TTC failures I'm not ready to look into it? However, I also have been reminded more than ever this month that God is directing our steps...and I have been praying that he WILL fill me with peace and a desire to adopt if/ when it is time. God has a purpose for us to be doing treatments right now, just like he may be guiding this couple to adopt rather than do treatments. I guess the struggle is feeling like treatments are the "less Godly" or "more selfish" path somehow.

She gave me a book that has really impacted her called Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore. I am looking forward to reading it, and I DO prayerfully want to be open to the possibility of adoption. Maybe God will use this book to grow this desire? Has anybody else read it?

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My cycle this month has been surprisingly nice - very little spotting and I have felt "right" hormonally. Obviously I have no measure for that, but I am pleasantly amazed and enjoying it. I have had so.much.spotting every month since we began TTC, and have had even more than usual the months following a medicated cycle. However, my body must have liked the few meds I was on for the Frozen Egg Cycle!

16 comments:

Melis.sa said...

Glad to hear that your cycle has been nice with minimal spotting!!

I hope the book brings some clarity to you and your dh. It sounds like a lovely if not stressful weekend :)

Sara said...

It can be hard sometimes to not compare ourselves to others and their decisions. We just have to trust in the Lord that where we are in the moment is where we are supposed to be. Everyone handles infertility differently and there is no right or wrong way. Trust in your decisions and do what you feel is best for you and what you are ready for.

P.S. You are quite a good friend to be a last minute wedding coordinator!

Heather said...

I honestly believe that adoption is a form of worship. I was adopted and my parents waited 13 years for me! I thank God everyday that He allowed them to open their hearts to adoption.
I don't think anything is wrong with those of us who want to have our own children. It's an amazing experience and it's hard to give that idea up, especially when so many people conceive so easily! It's a natural desire.
Keep trusting God in all your decisions. He WILL direct your paths!!

Britney said...

I've never read that book, but as an adoptive mama who also struggled with IF, I loved the book Hannah's Hope. I recommend it as well. ; )

Bobbi said...

Like you, adoption has never been laid in my heart yet. If God wanted me to adopt, I'm sure He would lay it in my heart. And perhaps, someday He will? But, right now, I'm just focusing my heart on trying to conceive my own. I'm glad your cycle was good to you! Crazy how little things like that make such a difference. :)

MK said...

Adopted For Life is a great book. My husband and I both wept when we read it. So wonderful! :)

andreajennine said...

I've only read the first couple chapters of Dr. Moore's book, but I've loved what I read so far! Hope you enjoy it and get some clarity from it. I had a lot of the same feelings you describe about adoption v. infertility, and I kept praying that God would give me a heart for adoption if that's what he wanted us to do. We had the successful FeggET while we were still praying. Now, we're talking about maybe adding to our family through adoption someday.

AplusB said...

I'm glad you could connect with some others who struggled to conceive. It must have been interesting to talk to someone so far on the other side and someone just beginning. Just shows what different paths we all take. Don't pressure yourself to want to adopt right now. It is a very, very personal decision that you and your husband will make when the time is right.

Kakunaa said...

That is such an amazing story:) You know...you will know when you are ready to try a different route. I think you will just know...HUGS

sara said...

Believe in what you are choosing sweet friend! God IS leading you and don't ever feel like one choice or another is "less Godly" or "more selfish"...keep seeking His path and I will keep praying for wisdom and discernment as you and the DH continue to seek out His plans for you to grow your family! Oh and I have read Adopted for Life...unbelievable! Love to know more about the friends with the 3 African children:)

Rosie said...

You'll find a way to find peace with whatever you decide. You can't force yourself to feel a certain way, you feel what you feel. Let us know how the book is. I feel similar towards adoption and would love to be more open to it. Thinking of you and praying for you both.

Betty Rubble said...

There is nothing wrong with the desire to have a biological child!

Not everyone is in or of the same mind set--this is true even of husbands and wives--one may be adamant that adoption is an alternative while the other says biological only.

Everyone has to make the life that is comfortable for them, not what is going to make someone else happy.

You will find your happy ending--biological baby, no baby, or an adopted child who becomes YOUR child.

Hugs.

Leah said...

There definitely is another side to infertility, and we all reach the other side when the time is right for us.

Don't feel bad about not being open to adoption yet. We all have different desires, and we all make decisions on God's timing. I have no doubt you will be a Mom, and I know that it will all end up happening exactly like it's supposed to.

Rach said...

Wow, what a TTC journey!

I feel the exact same way, like not going for adoption is selfish and less Godly. My husband is so against adoption right now. I guess if it's meant to be God will open his heart to it when the time is right.

Jess said...

That is good that you got to use your experiences with TTC to influence and encourage others just beginning the process. God certainly lines up people for this reason.

Adoption is not right for everybody, just like fertility drugs or IVF is not right for all as well. I think if we just pray to God that He will give us an open heart for whatever is His will, then He will speak to us in His timing.

Anonymous said...

I struggled with the idea of adoption as well for many years I wanted to have a biological child with my husband and we went through 6 years of IF and finally after much prayer we decided to adopt. It wasn't an easy road but last January our son was born and he is the most amazing baby and I know God sent us on this long hard journey just to find him. I wish I had opened my heart and mind many years sooner. My body went through so much with all the fertility meds and its was very heartbreaking for me.Thank god for my wonderful husband who never gave up on me or our desire to have a child. There are so many children that need loving parents. I love this little boy more than life itself and there is no difference whether i gave birth to him or not. God will lead you down the path to your children. Sometimes its not the way we think it should happen but its always the way God already had it planned for us.It took us 9+ years to start our family but now I know we are right where we are supposed to be.Its all in his timing not mine! I wish you all the best.