Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Appointment delayed

DH decided this morning that he couldn't leave work for our appointment today. I considered going alone, but ultimately felt like it would be much better to have him hear everything directly and be another set of ears. I also felt like I just couldn't handle being there alone, and the thought of it made me cry. I also cried because DH was so unaware of our schedule and seemed like he didn't even want to go. But it doesn't take much to make me cry these days.

We rescheduled for this Thursday.


Britney said...

I saw this today and thought of you:

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay
I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!
-Jennifer Wasik

Rach said...

Aw, thats a bummer. I hope DH's enthusiasm kicks up. Looking forward to Thursday and what they have to say.

Mrs. Hammer said...

I think you made a good call. I had one of our WTF with out Hammer (unexpectedly as well) and will never do that again.

And I want to encourage you to not read to much into DH's schedule conflict. When we are so emotional and hopped up on hormones it's easy to listen to those voices that tell us, "He doesn't make this a priority" or "If he was as invested in this as I was he would have known." But that is just the enemy wanting to pull you two apart.

Hammer and I went through this exact thing and it was so awesome to talk it through and realize that he was completely invested in the process and it's was just a mistake.

Just remember all the times he's showed you that he is invested in expanding your family and those lies will all be silenced.

Hang in there Hilliary! {{{BIG HUGS!!!}}}

the baby baker said...

awe, i hate that this got postponed but i'm glad you and your DH are going together. we bear so much of the burden through all of this (which sucks and totally isn't fair), but i'm sure your DH wanted to go. good luck thursday. i'll be thinking of you.

Sarah said...

Hate that you are hurting. I am sure your husband is completely invested in all this. They just don't always respond the way we think they should. Make time this week to just love on each other and share a cup of coffee or glass of wine one evening. When you are going through the despair of a BFN, you need to make some time to just reconnect somehow.
All hope is not lost Hillary. There are so many stories of God's miracles with infertile women. I still believe He will bless you!

Anonymous said...

I will be thinking of you in your appt tomorrow. (((hugs)))