Thursday, May 20, 2010

9dp3dt: Confession

I tested tonight.

BFN. One line.

Please don't tell me it's too early. I know it's true.

I have been storing up the "sad" Psalms in my notes so that I could turn to them on tough days. I read all of them tonight.

Thank you, as always, for walking through this cycle alongside me.

44 comments:

Amy said...

It is going to be ok. You are strong and a beautiful person whose faith has lifted me more than a few times. Whatever the official outcome is, it will be ok. Take good and gentle care of yourself.

Mellow said...

Oh Hillary, I am so sorry. You will be in my prayers.

snhg1129 said...

You are in my prayers... Stay strong and stay the coarse... :)

Jessica said...

I am so sorry:( Praying for you and DH.

One Who Understands said...

Sending love your way. I am still holding out hope.

Cadie said...

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."
Habakkuk 2:3

I am so sorry. I think and pray often for you.

Grace said...

Sending love your way and thinking of you...

Miracles do happen!

Lindsey H said...

Thinking of you, Hillary. Peace be with you!

Vi said...

Oh, Hillary, I so hate this is happening to you and DH. Praying for both of you always,

A said...

I was just there. I know all about sad Psalms. I am praying for you like crazy, my dear sister.

gringa78 said...

I'm staying hopeful for you. ((HUGS))

Betty Rubble said...

Pregnancy tests are evil...they should be stored behind the counter with the shot gun shells...one should only be able to buy them when not under duress of needing to know the results of one particular cycle...I'm not sure when that would be, but you get the idea...pregnancy tests are evil...

andreajennine said...

So sorry, dear. Turning to the sad psalms right now (and having stored them up in preparation) is such evidence of God's beautiful work in your life, even in the hardship.

Christy said...

Thinking of you. Stay Strong. I am here if you need any thing at all. I am 1dp3dt trying to stay strong too!

AJ48 said...

I am staying hopeful!!!

Hannah said...

Oh Hillary, I'm praying for you right now!
HUGS!

Erin said...

I read your blog often but haven't ever commented. Like someone else said... I will stay hopeful for you when your hope is gone. However, I did IVF and didnt get a BFP until 8dp5dt(after testing pretty much every day with a BFN)... sooo just an FYI. and taking pg tests at night is no good, only FMU! either way, im thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Rosie said...

Keep your strong faith. Whatever the outcome you are a survivor. And though another BFN may hurt your heart don't let it break your beautiful spirit. You never know what is around the corner. Hoping for a miracle for you and your hubs. Thinking of you. Keep smiling!

Kate said...

Praying...and still hoping.

Melissa G said...

No words. Just hugs.

AplusB said...

Hillary, I am so sorry.

Rach said...

Aw Hillary. My heart is pouring out to you in prayer. I'm glad you were able to find some comfort in Psalms.

Selma said...

I'm so sorry...my thoughts ar with you! There is still hope though! Praying for you!

Tabitha said...

(((HUGS)))

Rambler said...

Oh Hillary, I wish the news was different. I wish this was easier to live through. I'm thinking of you and DH and will keep you in my prayers. Hugs to you.

jeanna said...

i wish there were better words to say (((HUGS and HOPE)))

Amanda said...

Sorry Hillary. You're strong, I know that you'll make it through this, I just wish it were easier for you.

Lisa said...

that sucks... i'm so sorry.

Melis.sa said...

i'm so sorry love

Melody said...

I'm so sorry, Hillary. I'm praying for you.

Kelli said...

Love you Hil! Big hugs.

Missy said...

I'm sorry.

Sarah said...

Heavenly Father,
Please give Hilary the gift of your presence tonight. Hold her tight as she grieves and reaches for understanding. Let her know that you know she is sad, angry, and out of hope...let her know that it is ok if she doesn't understand and feels angry towards you. Let her know that you can handle that.
But give her the hope that only you can provide...that you will give her the desires of her heart. That one day, she will understand.
Give her and her husband a peace to know what to do next. Give her a renewed strength to persevere and keep trying.
Please Lord, give this daughter of yours the child she so desires...her own biological child...some way, some how. I pray this, not because we deserve anything from you, but because she would raise this child to be a warrior for Christ. PLease give her hope that you will give her a child.
We ask these things of you because you are the only one who can provide them.
Amen.

~May you wake up in a few days or weeks with an encouraged heart and spirit. May you find hope again~
Love,
Sarah

Unwavering Hope said...

Hillary,

God hears you. He sees you. He loves you. It's going to be okay.
His strength is perfect. You will be okay. Cry, feel angry, question, find hope and courage to try again.
((Hugs to you))

Life Happens said...

Thinking of you! ((Hugs))

sara said...

Praying for you tonight friend! May God's love fall on you and may He overwelm you with His spirit. Much love!

stillwaitingformysunshine said...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Kakunaa said...

Thinking of you....

twondra said...

I know there are no words. (((HUGS)))

Shanny said...

I'm so sorry Hillary, big big hugs.

Melissa G said...

Thinking of you.

A said...

Praying for you in preparation for tomorrow (HUG)

stillwaitingformysunshine said...

just checking in on you again, letting you know I'm here! xo

Elle said...

>:(
booooo.
Lots of hugs your way.