Wednesday, May 19, 2010

8dp3dt: Calm

The storm has passed. My anxiety has lifted and I feel very calm. Hopefully it's not the calm before the storm. :)

I am still symptom-less, but somehow I don't care about that as much now.

In my mind, I live simultaneously in both the BFP and the BFN world. One moment I am planning when our WTF appointment will be and wondering when we would cycle again, and the next moment I am figuring out how many weeks pregnant I will be when we go to summer camp, our friends wedding, or Christmas. It is a strangely seamless transition in my mind between the two possibilities.

I was very tempted to take a home pregnancy test yesterday after getting really discouraged about the low progesterone result. I thought, "I-already-feel-terrible-now-so-maybe-this-will-make-me-feel-better-but-if-not-how-much-worse-could-it-make-me-feel." But then I decided it could make me feel a whole lot worse and was still really early, so I fought the temptation.

DH is quite the pee-stick tempter. He doesn't bring it up if I don't, so he only tempts me in my moments of weakness. Fortunately I had already peed (in the toilet) by the time he got home and tempted me yesterday, so I had nothing to use anyway.

But I think we will test Saturday morning. Yikes. Yippee. I'm not sure how I feel about that? But I did put yikes first.

14 comments:

Adam and Julia said...

i have faith. this is going to be it. you are in my thoughts. try to get some rest and do something fun to take your mind off things.

Betty Rubble said...

Yikes about covers it regardless of the outcome...either way the result changes everything!

snhg1129 said...

I have been prayin like crazy for you!!!

Amber said...

I'm anxiously awaiting the results of that test, and you are at the forefront of my prayers right now! Hang in there!!!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Hillary! You are in my thoughts. :) We jsut finished our second IVF and got a BFP
11p3dt and I had virtually NO symptoms. I keps saying that I don't feel any different! I had some slight twinges in my belly but other than that,I felt normal. Good luck and I wish you all the best!!

Lara (from the Bump)

suchagoodegg said...

Wow! You put this so perfectly. I'm a day behind you in an IUI cycle. And this is *exactly* how I feel. On the one hand I'm trying to figure out when we can cycle again and how that will work with out of town weddings we *must* go to, and on the other hand, trying to blow the tiny ember of hope that continues to burn below the surface.

I hope we are some of those lucky girls who get pregnant sans symptoms. Thinking of you; good luck!! xo

Meg said...

The "pee stick tempter" is the funniest name I've ever heard!

Grace said...

Hmmm I know what's it's like to live in both worlds of bfp and bfn..I'm praying it will be a yippee moment!

A said...

I am praying that your hpt will be different than my hpt's!!!

AplusB said...

Oh, I so know the feeling of vacillating between hope and wanting to move on. Praying that you get a BFP on Saturday!!

Kakunaa said...

That puts you at 11dp3dt, yes? That could be a good time to test. I'm guessing your beta is Monday or Tuesday? My sticky thoughts are headed your way :)

One Who Understands said...

Glad the calm has come. Saturday sounds like a good day. Praying for good news!

Kelli said...

I'm going with YIPEE! I'll be stalking your blog on Saturday! xoxo

stillwaitingformysunshine said...

I hate being in that in between place - it makes you feel so out of control of your life! I POAS like a crzy person - and I always have to remind myself that it would be great to get a BFP - but if not, it's usually too early -still I hope you get a YIPEE!!xoxo