Thursday, March 4, 2010

Monitoring appointment #1

As this cycle has begun I have felt like I have hit the ground running. This past weekend we were away at a high school winter camp with the youth group we volunteer with, and I'm sure you can imagine how little sleep you get. :) It was an exhausting weekend, but a really great time with my girls.

After camp I thought I had at least a week before starting stims. Instead, I came down with a nasty camp cold and started stims on the same day (Tuesday). Fortunately, I am already through the "I just got hit by a train" phase of the cold and am now in the congested and a little under the weather stage. But those first few days of the week were rough, and as excited as I was to start my IVF cycle, I felt so tired and wiped out it was a little overwhelming.

As I type this I have completed two days of stims and had my first monitoring appointment...and I have already cried about how my IVF cycle is going. I have heard over and over that IVF was a stressful process, but I thought I had a few more days until that hit me!

But after 2 days of stimming at 225iu of Follistim I had two follicles (11 and 10mm). My AFC is 10 and FSH is 10.9, so I never thought I would be an amazing responder. But after hearing every doctor say that my age would help and they weren't worried, etc., it was completely devastating.

The RE said, "It's still early so I can't say for sure, but we may only get 1-2 eggs this cycle." Um, seriously?! We're doing Mini-IVF so our goal was only 3-5 eggs, but 1-2?! He may just be preparing me for the worst...and hopefully we do get a couple more...but I could tell he was disappointed.

When I met with the nurse I asked her about it and she said we're on track and we didn't want a lot of eggs anyway. But I couldn't help but feel like my cycle was already going poorly and that I am a "poor responder." I cried the whole hour drive home. I know this sounds extreme, but I felt like I just lost 10 years of my fertility today. And who knows what will happen with this cycle. I am just praying, trusting God, and trying to remain calm.

BUT, I am so thankful for the internet and infertility support groups! I posted on a message board I participate in, and got a ton of responses of people who had similar situations and everyone told me it is still way too early. Many people said they had 1-2 follicles at day 3 or 4 of stims and ended up with 6 at ER. So I was reassured that it is still really, really early. I'm continuing on the 225iu's of Follistim and will go back on Saturday.

Despite my disappointment that my reproductive self acts a lot older than it actually is, I am trusting God. And who knows, maybe he is just making the decision about how many eggs we fertilize very clear for us. I know many of you have said you are praying for us, and I ask that you would continue to do so. I am praying we get 3 eggs, and that I would have a trust and peace in the Lord as I face these potentially emotional monitoring appointments every other day. Thank you!


andreajennine said...

IVF is such an emotional process! I will be praying for you and for the right number of eggs.

Leah said...

I'm so sorry that your first appointment was so emotional. I didn't understand how much of a rollercoaster IVF was until I experienced it. Actually, rollercoaster is an understatement.

But everyone is right. . . the first appointment unfortunately isn't very telling.

Thinking and praying for you Hillary.

Jana said...

I stumbled upon your blog via The Bump today, and went back and read a ton of old posts. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!

Melissa G said...

Does the roller coaster EVER end?!

I'm sorry the doctor wasn't as optimistic as he could have been. I think you're right that things will turn out just how they're supposed to.

Grow, follies! GROW!

Rach said...

So sorry it's been so emotional. Hoping for the best!

Kaz and Amy said...

So sorry it's been emotional...KEEP TRUSTING! His plan is perfect! Praying for you!


Anonymous said...

It's over whelming...and its OK to let it out!


One Who Understands said...

I'm sorry it isn't starting off great. Hope it only gets better. At least you won's suffer from OHSS. Keep going. Trusting in the Lord is all we can do. He is our number one ally.

Kelli said...

My doctor told me that my ovaries act 40 years old, so I totally understand! God has a plan for you - praying for those follies and for strong viable eggs.
Love you!

Courtney said...

I'm praying for those follies and for peace for you throughout this cycle. IVF is definitely a rollercoaster, but God is right there holding your hand. Hang in there! said...

Praying for those two follies to grow into beautiful ones.

Thinking of you hun.

Caroline said...

Hi sweetie,

In my first (unsucessful) IVF cycle I produced loads of eggs. I was so excited but as the cycle unfolded I came to realize that they were all poor quality.

In my second IVF I only produced a couple of eggs and was really disappointed with my cycle too. But the eggs turned out to be of good quality and that is what matters.

I know you can't compare IVF cycles as everyone is different. But my experience taught me that it is quality not quantity that counts.

Hang in there! It's so early in your cycle...IVF is stressful so look after yourself. xx

'Murgdan' said...

I know it's not the same, we didn't do 'mini-IVF', but at my first monitoring for regular IVF they only counted around 12 follicles....and I ended up with 21 eggs! It is possible you will still end up with your 3-5. Hopefully next session will give you more what you were hoping for.

c by the sea said...

don't worry at all! at my first monitoring i always had less than half of how many eggs i ended up with at retrieval! you've only just begun, don't get down on yourself just yet.

BTW, I'm curious, are they planning on doing ICSI?

kdactyl said...

Oh Hillary....please don't worry too much yet. On my first medicated IUI (on 175iu's of gonal F - same as follistim), I only had one follicle at my first appt. by my 2nd...I had 14!!!!! Sometimes it just takes a few more days for the hormones to do the job. I think you have a great chance of 3-4 eggs and that is perfectly in line with your plan. I understand the disapointment...but don't give up.



Al said...

It sounds so stressful.

I hope you have a few more follies to work with on Saturday. Hang in there!

Patiently Waiting??? said...

I've nominated you for the Happy 101 Award. Check it Out:

Have a great day!

Melody said...

I'm sorry. I'm so glad you posted how you are helps for us to know how to pray as well. 3 eggs is what I'll be praying for as well.

Hannah said...

I'm praying too! Hugs!

Anonymous said...

i'm so sorry this is so stressful for you. i haven't even started the stims yet and i've been crying almost everyday. you can do this and we'll be here for you!!!!