After camp I thought I had at least a week before starting stims. Instead, I came down with a nasty camp cold and started stims on the same day (Tuesday). Fortunately, I am already through the "I just got hit by a train" phase of the cold and am now in the congested and a little under the weather stage. But those first few days of the week were rough, and as excited as I was to start my IVF cycle, I felt so tired and wiped out it was a little overwhelming.
As I type this I have completed two days of stims and had my first monitoring appointment...and I have already cried about how my IVF cycle is going. I have heard over and over that IVF was a stressful process, but I thought I had a few more days until that hit me!
But after 2 days of stimming at 225iu of Follistim I had two follicles (11 and 10mm). My AFC is 10 and FSH is 10.9, so I never thought I would be an amazing responder. But after hearing every doctor say that my age would help and they weren't worried, etc., it was completely devastating.
The RE said, "It's still early so I can't say for sure, but we may only get 1-2 eggs this cycle." Um, seriously?! We're doing Mini-IVF so our goal was only 3-5 eggs, but 1-2?! He may just be preparing me for the worst...and hopefully we do get a couple more...but I could tell he was disappointed.
When I met with the nurse I asked her about it and she said we're on track and we didn't want a lot of eggs anyway. But I couldn't help but feel like my cycle was already going poorly and that I am a "poor responder." I cried the whole hour drive home. I know this sounds extreme, but I felt like I just lost 10 years of my fertility today. And who knows what will happen with this cycle. I am just praying, trusting God, and trying to remain calm.
BUT, I am so thankful for the internet and infertility support groups! I posted on a message board I participate in, and got a ton of responses of people who had similar situations and everyone told me it is still way too early. Many people said they had 1-2 follicles at day 3 or 4 of stims and ended up with 6 at ER. So I was reassured that it is still really, really early. I'm continuing on the 225iu's of Follistim and will go back on Saturday.
Despite my disappointment that my reproductive self acts a lot older than it actually is, I am trusting God. And who knows, maybe he is just making the decision about how many eggs we fertilize very clear for us. I know many of you have said you are praying for us, and I ask that you would continue to do so. I am praying we get 3 eggs, and that I would have a trust and peace in the Lord as I face these potentially emotional monitoring appointments every other day. Thank you!