Sunday, March 21, 2010

6dp 3dt: Dreams

Last night I had 3 very different yet vivid dreams.

The first took place at my RE's office. I didn't have my beta results yet, but I was certain I was not pregnant and so was the RE somehow. We had a meeting that was incredibly discouraging, and he essentially told me our embryos were terrible and he didn't know if I would ever get pregnant, but we could try IVF again if we wanted. I started crying and went to the bathroom to collect myself. When I came out, the RE was now meeting with one of my 16-year-old youth group girls. I was shocked but didn't want to interrupt, but was also jealous of how happy they both seemed to be and how casually she spoke with him.

When they were done I asked her what she was doing there, and she said, "I'm doing an IVF cycle! I just got 17 eggs and 16 grew to embryos. We're freezing all of them."

"Why?" I asked in shock. She went on to explain in dream like logic that she had some disease that would make her unable to have kids later on, so she was stocking up her embryos now. And she used d.onor s.perm, of course.

I was so jealous of her, her young eggs, and 16 embryos for the future. Dreams are so weird.

The other two were less interesting, but a brief synopsis is that in one there were 3 small earthquakes in one night, and after each one we called some friends of ours who are engaged. In the other, I sat next to a girl on a bus who was trying to evangelize. Somehow I ended up loudly reciting the verse of John 3:16 to the entire bus.

***

Not much in the way of "symptoms" today. Very mild br.east tenderness continues from the PIO, but I worry at different times that it is gone or going away. Appetite is back to normal. A few twinges in the abdomen this evening. Gassy. :)

***

I find myself day dreaming about what news we will receive at the end of this week. Part of me just feels like it has to be positive after seeing those beautiful embryos. Yet another part of me knows that people have beautiful embryos all the time that don't make it. And all I've ever known is negatives.

As DH says multiple times a day now, it would be so awesome if I was pregnant. A miracle.

12 comments:

Mellow said...

Just to encourage you a little...
When I had my transfer, about 5 days later I felt that the breast tenderness had gone away, or was much less. After talking with my RE, she reminded me that the trigger shot gave a heightened hormone influence and at taking only 5000iu it was leaving my system at that point. So, the PIO will make you have tenderness, but it's just starting to really build. Don't let it discourage you, easier said than done, I know. I tested 2 days later and got a positive result to much to my surprise. Still praying for you!

Leah said...

The stress during the 2ww is horrible. The stress during the IVF 2ww is unbearable. Hang in there, and know there are so many people praying for you.

A said...

I have been praying for you, that you'd feel peaceful right now. I know that is a tall request, but I am being bold in my praying lately!! Hang in there and keep us posted!!

Melis.sa said...

Every chance I have a free moment I'm praying for you!!! it seems like just a few weeks ago you guys weren't sure about even doing IVF and now you're in the 2ww!!!

Hopefully the next few days pass by quickly with a beautiful result

Rach said...

Praying for a positive result Friday!

Rebekah said...

Praying for your miracle!!

Melissa G said...

Those sound like the kind of dreams that stick with you all day, you know what I mean?

I know time must be dragging on from your stand point but it's flying by over here -6dp already?!?!

Hoping and praying you get the news we've all been wanting for you.

Hugs.

kdactyl said...

Crazy dreams are a pregnancy symptom for many...so just keep hoping. My syptoms come and go and I know I have a positive HPT. Just waiting on bloodwork today. There is no harm in wanting it and dreaming about it. A positive will just reinforce that and a negative will hurt the same....so enjoy the now when you are still in the game. I am praying everyday for you and your embies! Can't wait for your beta.

kd

...just a little patience said...

hi there, i have just recently started reading your blog, and I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and those babies. I also wanted to tell you that on our 1st round of IVF, my b.reast were not sore and I was doing POI- and this time they were- and I am pregnant with twins...just something to think about! :)

stillwaitingformysunshine.wordpress.com said...

Praying for your miracle - xoxo

21reena

jeanna said...

praying for your miracle

Rose said...

I have been following you for a while, lurker here:) After having my own bad news today and feeling pretty low, your blog always restores my hope. I will pray for you that you get your BFP this week. It's about time good things happen for good people. Just wanted to tell you I love your blog and I am so routing for you and your husband.