Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Rest

Thank you to all of you for your thoughtful and sweet comments, emails, and prayers. It was so wonderful to be able to turn here and share this pain with a group of women who understand how much it hurts. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I also want to thank the lurkers who came out from hiding to wave hello. What a treat to "meet" you and hear some of your experiences! It was especially nice to get those comments over those rough few days. I want to respond to as many of you as I can (if you have a blog or some other way to contact you), and hope to do so in the next few days. For those of you who commented anonymously or without a blog, I will just say thank you one more time here: thank you!

Regular life has resumed. By Monday I was just so tired of being sad and felt physically exhausted from it all that I just prayed for a break from the emotions and have sought to not think about it. We did think about things A LOT last week and will continue to do so in a few days, but for now I am just trying to live my regular ol' life. I have been going to bed pretty early and we have tried to keep our social commitments to a minimum.

My period arrived yesterday, and I did not call the RE. We are taking an elective break from treatments, and for the first time ever I WANT to. We need time to process and heal a little. I'll still use the progesterone in my luteal phase and we'll "try" on our own this month.

We are continuing to pray for guidance in our next steps, and for confirmation or clarification of what God may have said to me. We are planning to fast from a meal once a week, too (as a couple of you suggested!).

Again, thank you. And let me know if you hear anything from God on my behalf (haha, just kidding!).

18 comments:

Just Us... said...

Enjoy your break!

Mandy @ The Party of 3 said...

Hey Girly! I have thought of you often and pray for you.

Melissa G said...

As much as I wish you didn't have to, I think a break will be good for you. I can't tell you what a huge difference it as made for me.

I will continue (as always) to pray for you. And I'll let you know how my chat with the Big Man goes. ;)

HUGS

Al said...

Enjoy your break month, I hope it brings you much clarity and peace as you two make decisions on what comes next. I'll be thinking of you.

Melis.sa said...

I hope this month off brings some peace & clarity for you. it's amazing how quickly a month can go

Rach said...

What a nice post. I'm glad you are taking time to heal. Have a wonderful break. You'll be in my thoughts.

Beckie's Infertile said...

I read your last post and I did not know what to say. What a confusing position to be in.

I am glad that you are taking a break and you feel that will help you guys. I know for us when we have taken a break it is amazing how much less stressed you feel.

When I am in the middle of charting, taking meds, timing, going to appointments it never occurs to me how much stress this is causing. Until I stop and am with myself.

I hope this is the break you need and it will give you some clarification. Praying for your family's journey!

christina said...

Hello! I didn't get a chance to come out during the delurk but wanted to let you know that I read and I've thought of you and your post from the other day. I hope you find some peace with whatever decision you decide to make. I really hope you enjoy your break!

Mellow said...

I think this will be a good break for you! We took 6 months to pray and come to a decision after our 4 failed IUI's. It was good, and we felt the timing was right, after the break. Will keep you in my prayers as you seek what God would have you do.
Marsha

A said...

I pray that this rest will be just the soothing that your souls need right now. Hope you'll keep posting about what's happening in regular ol' life!! :)

Hannah said...

The break sounds great, I'll continue to pray for you! I have to tell you how much your blog has encouraged me. That sounds weird since you're going through such a hard trial right now, but reading some of your posts (especially about your uncertainty regarding IVF and how you long for biological children) I just really identify with all that right now and have such similar feelings and opinions. Reading your blog makes me feel normal and that someone out there actually understands.

Probably what brought on this long comment is that my coworker, who sits right next to me, just told me she's pregnant, her first month of trying. She knows I've been going through treatments (two failed IUIs so far) but just told me that two years of trying is "nothing" and that I shouldn't be worrying about it and just wait for it to happen. Wow, some people have all the answers, don't they? God, give me patience. It might be a long eight more months with her at work.

iwillbeamom.blogspot.com

kdactyl said...

No matter what you ultimately end up doing, I really think the break is a good idea. It was at this point for me (3 iui's and 1 miscarriage) that I also just said..."enough" I need a break from this. It is consuming me. When you take a voluntary break...it is sooooo much better than an RE imposed break...and I totally believe it is because you actually got to make the decision on your own and then follow through. It is a moment of control. And control is something you just don't get when going through fertility.

I have a story about "signs" from God I want to tell you..but it is way too long for this comment section. I will try to send you an email.

kd

jones said...

Hillary,

Not to build any false hope, but I so very, very much hope your situation mirrors my own. We took an elective break because we didn't know what our next steps, if any, should be. Then we got pregnant. If only it was only that easy. But, I will be hoping for you and your DH so very much!

Shanny said...

I hope this much needed break helps you and your hubby to get to some kind of peace and see your answers a little clearer. Good luck with your natural cycle, hugs.

Rambler said...

The break is helpful physically and mentally. Take the pressure off yourselves and find the clarity that you so badly want.

When you're tired of being sad and holding back your tears, its a hard place to be in. So sorry you found yourself there this past cycle. But again, know that you are not alone!!

Liddy said...

Thinking about you and praying for you.

We just finished our mandated break, while it was hard, I think it was good.

HUGS!

Hilary said...

I just discovered your blog and love it. Thanks for sharing your story. I understand many of your reservations about IVF. While my husband and I ultimately decided to pursue adoption, we briefly considered the Natural IVF option. It sounds like something that might be a good fit for you.

addingtothepack said...

I hope that you are really able to enjoy this break...and I hope that God keeps talking to you (as clearly as possible :)).