Monday, January 25, 2010

Left the real world

Hello everyone! As the title says, I felt like I left the "real world" for a few days, and it was so nice. DH and I went to S.anta F.e, NM for a long weekend. A college friend of mine got married on Saturday there, and we met up with some other college friends for the weekend, so it was a lot of fun. It SNOWED while we were there - wow! :) It was cold, but a beautiful landscape and a neat little city.

Leaving behind our everyday life for a few days and being with friends made me (mostly) able to not think about our infertility much. I also got lost in Jane Eyre, and every free moment while traveling or in our hotel room I was happily reading away. I didn't even check my email last night when we got home...partly because I didn't want to enter back into "real life" yet, and partly because I just wanted to keep reading.

It is such a beautiful and entertaining story! I don't know how many times I have read the novel, but it moved me uniquely this time around. Jane suffers much throughout the story, and yet she is faithful and perseveres. There is a scene where she leaves all she knows, broken hearted, and wanders aimlessly to a new destination. She has no money and no place to go, and she has some very dark days where she sleeps outside in the rain and practically starves. As she is almost on the verge of death, she sees a light in a window and is drawn to seek refuge by following that light. And I could relate to Jane there - I am not physically wandering, but my heart is broken, too, and in such unknown territory. I don't know where the path will lead me, but (as cheesy as it sounds) I continue to look for and follow the Light.

As we went to bed last night, I felt the usual "Sunday Blues" as the weekend came to a close and were heading back to work the next day. However, these are usually not too difficult for me, as I generally like my jobs and day to day life. But last night it was magnified by the fact that I was also re-entering our infertility struggle, which is now such a large part in our "regular life." I started crying, and I hadn't done that in a number of days. But I am hopeful that Jesus will guide us, and DH said that God is taking care of us. I know he is.


Leah said...

I love Jane Eyre! Such a wonderful book.

I'm so happy you were able to escape reality for a couple of days. It is so necessary to restore the soul. I know so much what you mean about infertility being part of your reality, which makes reality that much harder.

Thinking of you.

Rach said...

Glad you had a nice get away. So sorry to hear you were struggling last night. Praying for you.

Secret Sloper said...

Jane Eyre is such a wonderful book. After my miscarriage, the only thing I wanted to do was watch the 4-hour BBC miniseries of it from a few years ago. Somehow that book is such a wonderful friend in times of sadness.

Glad you had a good time away.

AplusB said...

Sounds like a lovely weekend. I've never been to Santa Fe and have always wanted to go.
Looooooove Jane Eyre. Such an enchanting novel - definitely in my top 10! And, it's a great one to re-read.
Sorry about the Sunday blues. I hope the rest of your week is better.

Andrea said...

It so nice when the sun peeks through the clouds and we can table our worries for a bit. Glad you found peace being away :)

I too suffer the Sunday Blues, its normal. And, the water works seem to pile up at times and you did the most healing thing for let them out. I read a quote which says "tears are our Holy Water"

Remember, tears are impowering.

Many Hugs

Life Happens said...

I'm glad you were able to escape the real world for a bit. Getting back to reality is always hard.

Crying cleanses the soul. I will keep you in my prayers.

A said...

Your escape sounds so restful and rejuvenating!! Isn't it crazy how we end up identifying with characters in books we read? It pains me to read about your broken heart- I'm praying so hard that it will be healed soon- and I just want to encourage you to always watch for the light!! I know it's way easier said than done. God is with you! He will never leave your side. It's alright to cry (hug). I hope this week God gives you a glimpse of His care for you :)

addingtothepack said...

Your escape sounds fabulous. I hope that re-entry has been kind to you.

Anonymous said...

So happy you had a great get away...that is SO important! Stay strong :)


Indy said...

Never heard of Jane Eyre...will have to look into it.

I also get the Sunday "blues" BIG time. Asking God to give me a new perspective on this.

I am praying for you Hillary. You are always in my thoughts.

Melissa G said...

Gah! I read this when you posted it, and I was sure that I had commented.. Oh well.

The vacations from reality are SO nice, but I too have a very difficult time re-entering 'the real world'. So don't be too hard on yourself for breaking down a little. There is still hope in your heart. I can hear it.


Michelle said...

I'm glad you could shut your mind off for a little while. Don't feel bad about having a moment. We all have them. God will provide and we WILL find a way! I'm thinking of you!!!!!
Love ya~Michelle