Friday, January 15, 2010

Baby steps...

Progress that has been made this week:
  1. The simple realization that last week/weekend I was PMSing. I don't get major PMS or anything, but the one and only "symptom" I tend to have is an utter, depressed meltdown if something sad happens. I'm not sad every month, typically, but I am easily set off in that week leading up to my period and can spiral downward quickly. Not to say that those feelings weren't real, but it helps me to see the effect that may have had on me and gives a little perspective. Hmm...
  2. It's probably not a good idea to try to make a huge decision (such as whether or not to do IVF) while in said PMS state and also facing the devastation of a 4th IUI failure.
  3. Thanks to a recommendation by my friend Melody, I ordered the book Hearing God: Developing a Conversational Relationship with God by Dallas Willard. I'm excited to read this and hope God will use it to help me discern whether or not he did speak to me that night and/ or what to do with that experience.
  4. I've heard the expression that laughter is the best medicine....and while I don't know if it is indeed the best, I can say that it sure does help. DH and I had a couple moments this week of deep belly laughter together. It felt heavenly.
*****

Posting that book link reminded me that I wanted to share a couple books that I read while thinking through IVF as a Christian. I added this to my IVF post in case you are looking for resources.

15 comments:

One Who Understands said...

Good that you can look back and see that PMS was playing a role in all that you went through last weekend. I think I would have been really depressed about everything. I will pray for you and DH with all the IVF talk. I know it took us quite a bit of praying and fasting before we came to the decision to pursue it. It is not easy. You will get through this.

Just Us... said...

Oh the blasted PMS monster...

I foudn solace in Sally John's In A Heartbeat. It is a fictionalized work relating to infertility, but it is Christian in basis, and shows how the differences a couple faces when dealing with infertility affects them both.

AplusB said...

I hate when I look back and realize that PMS was partly to blame for my emotions/reactions. I still think your reactions and feelings were totally normal, PMS or not. Glad you're feeling better about things and happy reading!

Baby Wanted said...

PMS stinks! Never make any decisions when she is in town! I've learned that the hard way!

Shanny said...

Hope the book brings you some answers or at least gives you some serenity with its message. Glad you had some good laughs with your DH, I honestly think it truly helps.

Priscilla said...

Praying that you find your path through this maze!! And PMS....you suck!! Hang in there...glad your feeling a bit better!! :)

Michelle said...

Thanks for the book recommendation. That's what I've been struggling with lately. How do I know if it was GOD or me?! I'm going out to get that book. Thanks!! I'm praying that God brings you discernment in your decision! Thinking of you!!
xoxoxoxo
~Michelle

A said...

Thank you so much for posting those two resources! I'm glad you had some belly laughs with hubby- aren't those the BEST? Will continue to pray for you as you rest!

A said...

Me again :) I left you an award on my blog!

addingtothepack said...

Oh the PMS influence. I hate that I can almost never see the PMS-amplification until after the fact. It would be so much easier if I could recognize it in the moment. I am glad you are feeling a bit more even this week.

Laughter is a fabulous treatment. I hope you and DH can continue to find things to laugh about.

julie said...

PMS sometimes makes me unrecognizable! (my poor DH)

I hope you find a lot of peace and happiness during this break from TTC.

Rambler said...

It's absolutely natural to try to run headfirst into the storm after getting a BFN. The panic sets in and you start to wonder what is next and what you're going to do *now*.

I can fully appreciate what you mean. But you're right, take a step back, take your time and laugh...A LOT...along the way.

Thanks for the book recommendations.

Andrea said...

Oh how weepy those days leading up to AF's arrival can be. I often mutter the words "what's wrong with me" to hear the answer "nothing"...it's just hormones talking :)

Laughter is what keeps us going and finding it feels so good. So happy you and hubby had those chuckles :)

Hang in there! You'll get the answers that you are looking for.

strongblonde said...

i totally agree...no big decisions at a time like this!

...and keep laughing! ;)

oxox

Al said...

You're very wise to take a step back and realize that your feelings were influenced by your hormones and the disappointment of a failed cycle. Take all the time you need on making this decision..it's a huge one.

Enjoy the hilarious moments with your hubby and I hope that with time the right decision for you will make itself known.