Friday, January 30, 2009

The path of least resistance

Hi blogging friends,

I have missed you all this week! Things have been really busy at work + more evening plans this week then usual = bad week for blogging. I have also not been able to read as many of your blogs as usual, but I plan on catching up soon!

I have been pretty stressed with work this week. (For once, my stress is not TTC related!) I work for a very small company as the only office person -- I joke that I am AR, AP, HR, IT, payroll, and whatever other departments you can think of all rolled into one little person. Most of the time, I enjoy the variety and the responsibility that comes with all of it. I am very much appreciated and valued by the owners, which is such a blessing.

In light of the economy, we have been trying to slash as much overhead as possible. Which I think is a great plan to stay afloat, but each new decision & change is implemented by me. This week alone I have switched our payroll service, switched our 401K, and looked into moving to a new office space on top of my regular duties.

Last night as DH and I were praying together before bed, I prayed about my stress at work, particularly in one situation. Afterwards, DH starting asking me all about the situation and trying to help problem solve. It ended up being a very frustrating conversation -- so classic and stereotypical that I am embarrassed to admit it. He (the man) wanted to help solve my problems. I (the woman) woman, just wanted to pray about, vent a little, and feel his support. We realized this after way too long, apologized, and went to bed.

I was so tense after the conversation. DH had brought up something that, deep in my heart, I know is a weakness of mine. I always want to choose the path of least resistance, even if it is not the best option. I don't want to confront, I don't want to put in extra work, I just want things to roll smoothly. And this is partly why I am stressed at work -- my boss is making decisions that are definitely not simple and I am in charge of making them happen. I don't think this is the only reason I am stressed, but it is part of it.

As I laid awake too frustrated to sleep, I began mulling this over. How has this quality of mine effected past things in my life? Granted, when something is important, I think I will do the resisting needed. The fact that I am a Christian has not felt like the path of least resistance, especially with my family. They do not agree with my beliefs, and while we are mutually respectful, it is not easy to be so different from your family. That is just one example, but it made me feel a little better to remember...

However, I used to be a teacher. Yes, how weird is that? After hearing about my job I'm sure you would never have guessed that I am a credentialed teacher with an M.Ed. I taught for two years and did not like it. I cried almost everyday. I am happy where I am today, but I wondered last night, "Would others who are more persistent...fighters...have stuck it out in teaching and grown to love it?"

And this relates to IF. I realized last night that God could use our infertility to grow me in this area. I will need to "fight" my way with doctors. Seriously, no path in the infertility journey is easy. The simplest, in one sense, would be to just say we're not having kids -- but that's also the hardest. Every option in front of me will come with some fighting and persevering, and I pray that God would use it to grow me and glorify himself in our situation.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Ok, progesterone

So I've had this progesterone question swimming around in my head for the past week, and I've done some research. For those of you just tuning in, my progesterone level at 7dpo was 8.3.

First of all, since taking the test I have read the following:

"It is also worth noting that progesterone pulses, so the level varies throughout the day. Some doctors suggest testing first thing in the morning after fasting for the most accurate result."

My doctor did not tell me this nor ask me what time I took the test, which was after lunch. How important is this?? Have you heard and/or read about this? Should I retest in the morning?

Secondly, my dr. prescribed progesterone suppositories. I now have 30 sitting in my fridge.(I ripped off the part that says what they are just in case somebody finds them....). However, I have also read that low progesterone can be an issue with the whole cycle and that an ovulation stimulating drug is often more effective. Should I just try the progesterone I have for a month or two and then go from there?

Lastly, a friend of mine suggested I get my "free hormones" tested through a saliva test rather than a blood test. Here's some info:

What is the difference between saliva testing and serum (blood) testing?
A: Saliva tests measure "free" hormones (2-5% of the hormones in a person's body), which are the hormones that are bioavailable to stimulate receptor cells and carry out the tasks they are designed to perform. In contrast, serum testing generally measures the "total" hormones, which includes those hormones already bound to protein and unavailable for the cells to use.

Has anyone else heard of this or used it as a more accurate hormone measure?

*Disclaimer: I know I am throwing a ton of questions out there and I know that ultimately I need to talk to my doctor. However, I'm just looking for a little guidance about what I should talk to my doctor about. Thanks! :)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

It's the money, honey

This is my first post about all the $$$ IF treatments are going to cost us -- there will probably be many more. At this point, the idea of spending thousands of dollars to have the chance to get pregnant is probably the most difficult part of this for my DH. I, being the one with strong maternal instincts and a biological clock, choose to ignore it for the most part. The money aspect of IF adds insult to injury.

Maybe we won't need to spend the money. We could get pregnant on our own. We are very, very lucky to have some insurance coverage. Seriously, I'm sorry for even bringing this topic up when I know there are many of you with NO coverage at all. So I know we're lucky, but in the big picture plan the $5000 lifetime max of coverage we have with no meds included doesn't feel like it will go very far.

Since I'm a planner, I'm planning ahead. I already convinced DH to save almost all of the money we got as Christmas bonuses at work and as gifts from family (it wasn't hard to convince him, he would save everything and live like a minimalist if it weren't for me). I opened a short term savings account to put that money in so it's not mixed with any of our other funds. I plan to add to it the First Time Homebuyer's Tax Credit that we plan on taking on our 2008 income taxes. If you bought your first house between April 9, 2008 and July 1, 2009 you can take this $7500 credit. It's really an interest free loan from the government that needs to be repaid over 15 years, so it's not free money or anything. BUT it will certainly be a nice cushion if we have a lot of medical expenses in the years ahead.

I also feel like I don't want to spend any extra money on anything. In my last post so many of you gave great suggestions to relax this cycle, but I honestly don't want to spend the money to do any of them! My IL's invited us to go on vacation with them in the spring. They would get our plane ticket and we would pay for the rest of our own expenses, which is a great deal! And since we bought our house last year, we really haven't been on any vacations in over a year. But all of this would take money out of our nice little "in case I have to buy a baby" fund and I don't know if I want to do that.

Also, mortgage interest rates are at historic lows. We have a great rate on a 30 year fixed, but I think we could get an even better one if we refinanced. My FIL suggested we call to find out. M did the math and you really can save so.much.money over the lifetime of the loan that he thinks we should look into it. But I am resisting -- that would eat up so much of our baby fund!! Am I being impractical?

I don't want IF to rule my life. Not to be pessimistic, but this could go on for a while and I don't want to live my life in a holding pattern. At the same time, I want to save wisely with the possibility of IF treatments in mind. Decisions, decisions. :)

Friday, January 23, 2009

No 1% chance for us this cycle

Today I saw so much EWCM that it almost seemed wrong. More than I have ever seen in my 17 cycles of charting. More than I thought humanly possible to produce. Which is a good thing in this weird TTC world, right?

Then I realized that all this beautiful EWCM was about to go to waste. There is no TTC this cycle since DH isn't really...how shall I say it...in a position to BD. :) It was strange to realize that I could know from day 1 of my 11th cycle that it would be a BFN. Our usual 1% odds have been lowered to 0% (big drop, I know).

I'm trying to view this cycle as a relaxing break to the madness of TTC. I'm not anticipating ovulation, timing BD (nothing to time anyway, lol!), and dreading a 2ww of getting my hopes up. Heck, I wouldn't have even noticed the EWCM if it hadn't been so crazy.

I feel like I should do something special to enjoy this "relaxing" cycle. Any suggestions? What have you done on forced break cycles?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Everything is healing well

:::big sigh of relief:::

The doctor said everything looks great! Of course, DH looked at me as though he were saying, "Seeee???" in an I-told-you-so voice. :)

She said that it takes longer for swelling to go away in that area than most other parts of the body. We were also concerned about a little nodule type thing that had formed (this is what was truly worrying me), but she said it was like a bruise on a lower layer of the skin. She depressed it gently and it disappeared, and she said it is very, very normal.

She said we could come back in 6 weeks for another follow up appointment if we want to, but by the looks of how well he is healing she said we don't have to if we don't see a need. She said the swelling will probably last for the next six weeks! He can resume all normal activities in about a week by just adding things in as he feels comfortable. He particularly wants to resume jogging...

I also decided to be proactive and asked for the cup and referral slip for the follow up SA. She looked kind of surprised since it is 3 months away, but I figured why go back there just to get that if we could get it today? Now we're all set. :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your support! You ladies are wonderful!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Anxiety in the night

This morning DH and I had to wake up at 5:45am. At 4:30am, DH woke me up to tell me his tes.tical felt weird -- like something was wrong with the one he just had surgery on. Suddenly, I was wide awake and freaked out. Conveniently for DH he appeared to be talking while half asleep, assured me he had re-felt the area and he was mistaken, and promptly went back to sleep. (He continues to assure me today that although it is still swollen there is nothing weird about it)

What!?! DH introduced a whole new area of anxiety. I had thought of something going wrong during surgery. I had thought of the surgery not correcting our MFI. But this!? What if somehow the surgery actually messed up my DH's tes.tical?? Needless to say, I was unable to go back to sleep. I spent the next hour or so praying for DH's body and trying to sleep.

All day I have been pushing aside this new worry. It is still swollen -- should it be that swollen? Is something wrong down there? Again, DH keeps assuring me it's fine and of course it's still swollen. (Is he just saying that because he knows I'm freaking out?)

Also, I must admit I've always thought of myself as a pretty calm person. Yes, I'm a planner who might come off as stressed, but really I'm pretty even keel. But now with IF...I just don't know anymore! Is this anxious person a product of IF? Or was it just brewing under the surface waiting for a life challenge to come out?

As I always, I turn to God. My faith is what grounds me. I have been praying a ton today. This verse keeps coming to mind:
"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5b-7

Also, M's post op appointment is tomorrow which I am so thankful for -- it couldn't arrive at a better time! I wasn't planning on going (how much could happen there, right?), but after my nervousness today I want to be there. I want to be reassured by the doc herself. And, honestly, I don't think M would remember every.single.thing she says which is what I want to hear. So I'm going.

(And I know you all know for sure now that I am not laid back like originally stated)

Welcome ICWLers!

This is my first time participating in the ICWL, and I wanted to welcome you all to my blog. Thanks for stopping by! As you can see, I'm a relatively new blogger who is also new to IF.

You're arriving less than a week after my DH's varicocele repair surgery that will *hopefully* raise his sperm's motility, which has tested at 3-5%. We'll know in about 3 months if the surgery helped.

You're also arriving less than a week after I got the results from my 7dpo progesterone blood test, which was 8.3. Ugh. This has been a bit of a blow since it adds another IF issue to our already existing MFI. That seemed like enough for one couple, but now we're adding luteal phase disorder, low progesterone, and/or weak ovulation to the mix. I still have a lot to figure out with this one.

I look forward to meeting you and reading your blogs!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What is a varicocelectomy?

Mary asked me to explain how the surgery could help M's SA numbers, so I thought I would share a little of what I have learned on this topic for those of you following along.

*Please note, this explanation is in layman's terms and that I am no doctor! This might not be completely accurate! But I thought it would be a little less boring and more understandable than just linking to an article...

A varicocele is an enlarged mass of veins in the scr.otum. Really, it is just like varicose veins that people get in their legs, it's just in a different place. :) It also causes pain, which my DH had, and tends to get worse over time. 10-20% of all men have a varicocele, but it does not always cause infertility. According to TCOYF, 30-40% of infertile men have a varicocele.

The reason it can cause infertility is still somewhat of a medical mystery. The most likely reason seems to be that the extra blood causes too much heat where the sperm are, kind of like sitting in a hot tub all day (which we know our DH's aren't supposed to do if we're TTC!). The surgery ties off the enlarged veins to normalize the blood flow to the scr.otum, which will reduce the temperature and hopefully improve SA #'s. I have also read that varicoceles can lower testosterone -- I have no idea how (and my DH's hormone levels were normal). But lowered testosterone also effects SA #'s and a host of other health problems.

There was a large study done that did not show any greater success between infertile men who had a varicocele repair surgery to those who did not -- that they impregnated their partners at roughly the same percentage rate. But then there was another study done that kind of refuted that study. So I think there is a lot of mixed opinions out there about the surgery, and from what I've read it seems like urologists say do it and RE's say don't bother. (hmm... do you think there is any correlation between who gets the $$$??)

Hope that helps you understand what we're doing and why. It takes about 72 days for sperm to regenerate, so we're waiting a little over 3 months to retest and see if the surgery helps DH's motility number. The urologist said the surgery has the best rates of success for motility out of all the SA parameters, which was good to hear (but again, I don't really know why).

Monday, January 19, 2009

Recovery

First of all, I want to thank each of you for your feedback and advice regarding the progesterone blood test results!!! I have many thoughts still swimming through my head about this and will post on this later this week when I have them sorted out. :)

I am thankful to report that DH's recovery has gone very, very well. Of course, he is still quite sore and experiences pain if he moves the wrong way (the whole process of sitting down/ standing up is rather difficult). But by Sunday he was feeling great in terms of energy and overall pain levels. He's back to work today (he has a desk job) and is just taking it easy.

If anyone is reading this or finds this blog because their DH is having the varicocele surgery, here are a few tips that I think helped make DH's recovery go well:
  • Ice!! They said to ice the sc.rotum for the first 24 hours. We followed this instruction very diligently and he continued to ice periodically beyond the first day. We think it kept the swelling down and helped with the pain management.
  • Sc.rotal support! You could use a jock strap, but there are these awesome sc.rotal supports that were created for surgeries like this. I tried to find a picture of the one DH has to show you but couldn't....plus it might look a little graphic, lol! The surgery center gave him one but he likes the one we bought better, and he will continue to wear it for some time (a week?). It is a must have! Email me if you would like more info on the one we got :)
  • Good ol' regular underwear (aka tighty whities) Once your DH gets tired of the sc.rotal support and doesn't need it anymore, this is next step down that still offers support and is more comfortable. Just remember to switch back to boxers when he's ready! :)
  • Rest. This is an obvious one for any surgery, but I'm so glad DH had so much time to sleep and rest these first 4 days. He's not one who likes to sit around, but he was glad he did too!
That's all I can think of for now. We're pretty much back to normal life :) I asked DH if he's going to be really upset if the surgery doesn't work after what he's gone through, and he said it really wasn't that bad. It was worth it for the chance to naturally conceive!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Progesterone results in

Last night I got a phone call from my doctors office, and my progesterone came in at 8.3.

I'm really not surprised because of all the the crazy spotting. I thought something was wrong.

However, I am really surprised because my temps were always nice and high post ovulation. And although I spot, I did have a 14-15 day LP, which seemed a little weird to have with Luteal Phase Defect (LPD).

My emotions are contradicting themselves at the moment, I know.

Overall, though, it was difficult news to receive -- especially after I had been feeling so happy about M's surgery going well. As glad as I am to have an explanation, I wish I didn't have anthing wrong with me.

They want to put me on progesterone suppositories to address the problem. However, I have read some contradicting articles about the effectiveness of this. Some have said that the real problem lies at the beginning of the cycle, so something like clomid should be taken to boost ovulation which will then strengthen the LP. So now I don't know if I should even take the progesterone! Nothing is simple, it seems.

Ultimately, I'm not going to take anything until after DH's post surgery SA results in 3 months because it doesn't make much sense to me to take any meds if our chances are still so low because of DH's sperm. This news will help shape our next steps, and those decisions are swimming around in my head. We need to pray for guidance.

As DH said (jokingly), "Now we're really just an infertility mess."

God can shine even more brightly through this mess.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Surgery complete! And I only cried 3 times!

We made it! We're home and DH is doing very well. Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes!!!

The procedure was performed at a surgery center, and it was wonderful. The office itself was beautiful and clean, and the staff that we interacted with was very kind, professional, and competent. They got M checked in right away, which leads me to....

Tears #1: Giving M a kiss goodbye and watching him go through the door leading to the surgery area. Like I said yesterday, I couldn't help but feel a bit of anxiety at the thought of what lay ahead for M. I said a prayer and held back the tears that loomed.

My IL's and I then had a quick breakfast down the street. We figured it would be awhile before the surgery itself would be under way and we would be back by then. Plus, they had my cell phone and it helped the time go faster. After returning to the surgery center, we waited in a really nice waiting room with plenty of comfortable seating, a TV, and coffee. I read and the time passed fairly quickly.

After about 3 hours from the initial good-byes, the doctor came in and happily told us that everything had gone well. She reminded us to ice the area, wear a "scro.tal support," and call her cell if anything came up.

About a half hour later I got the call that M was waking up in recovery and that I could be with him...

Tears #2: Walking down to see M. I was so happy and relieved that he was fine! But I was also nervous to see him suffering...

Tears #3: Greeting M. Again, I felt some relief, but really it was hard to see him so incredibly pale and out of it. I could tell he was in a weird drugged up state and he was still very groggy. I gave him a light kiss and almost completely lost it. I felt like I had willfully inflicted pain on the person I love most on this earth! What did we just do??

I sat next to him as he continued to wake up more and more. The nurse went over the discharge instructions with me. She told me he had been feeing nauseous when he first woke up so they had put anti-nausea medicine in his IV.

He woke up more and we moved the bed to more of a sitting up position. The nurse had me give M some water and juice through a straw. As he drank he perked up more and more and it was really amazing how fast he came "back to normal."

The nurse removed the IV and we got him ready to go, taking each step very slowly since M was obviously very weak and woosey still. We got him dressed and had him stand up. He said he felt a little nauseous again, but after sitting back down for a minute he said he felt better. We started walking out and he said he felt like he was going to be sick, and then within thirty seconds he was. Two nurses got him back to the bed, cleaned up, and checked his blood pressure again. We had to wait a little while longer, drink more liquids, and prove that he wasn't going to be sick anymore before leaving. Fortunately he really perked up at this point. While the two nurses were still with us he said, "Sometimes you just need a good barf," which made us all laugh. In a way it was true, he seemed much better after that!

He's home and sleeping now. Thank you, Lord, for taking care of M today!! :)

And the 3 month wait until the next SA begins....

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Surgery tomorrow

We'll be arriving at the surgery center tomorrow at 6:30am. The surgery will begin at 7:30am and will last about 2 hours, and then we'll take a groggy-and- sore-but-on-a-ton-of-pain-meds DH home. My IL's are coming to help take care of their baby and I welcome their company. We'll feed him lots of liquids, jello, ginger ale and soup until his tummy can handle more after the anaesthesia. We'll wait on him hand and foot, pop in any DVD he wants, spoon feed the jello, and fluff his pillow.

Poor DH. Brave DH. He says he's not even nervous.

Please say a prayer that everything goes smoothly tomorrow! I know it's just a minor outpatient procedure, but the thought of my sweet DH getting put out and going under the knife is a little scary. Thank you!

Monday, January 12, 2009

We love our female urologist

Thanks for the well wishes -- our pre-op appointment went really well today! At our first urologist appointment, DH had been a little freaked out by the cute, petite female urologist. Definitely not what he was expecting, at least. And he never thought he would drop his pants for any other woman but me... :)

After our appointment today DH said he really likes her and trusts that she is an excellent doctor. She seemed like a bit of a perfectionist, which is a wonderful quality in someone who will be performing a micro-surgical procedure on your private parts! She was also personable, easy to talk to, and gave us a lot of time to ask questions.

The recovery sounds like a little more than we were expecting. He'll be in bed for the first 24 hours with ice packs, and then he can "rest" for 3-5 days. Since his surgery is on a Thursday she said he might be able to go back to work on the following Monday while still "taking it easy", but he'll just have to see how he feels. He'll be 100% after about 2 weeks.

She said there is a 60-70% chance that this surgery will improve his motility percentage and grade. I asked her about what she thought of vitamins helping and she basically said, "It could help and it can't hurt." She suggested Fertility Blend and Proxeed, so I'm off to research those now.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Ready for our pre-op appt tomorrow

Tomorrow is DH's pre-op appointment for his varicocele repair surgery (which is Thursday!!). I'm looking forward to the appointment to hear more about the surgery itself, the recovery, and, of course, our fertility prognosis.

I am coming armed with a few questions, and I found this stylish, handy notebook at Michael's for $1.00 to take notes in!


It will fit inconspicuously in my purse, and I can store all of my questions and notes from every doctor's appointment in one place!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Battling worry

I was hoping to get a call yesterday with my progesterone results, but I think it was good for me that I didn't. On one level, there is nothing important riding on getting those results in a timely manner. Nothing will change this cycle if we get them. We probably won't do anything with those results until after DH's post-surgery SA. I just want to know because I always want to know those things ASAP.

On another level, it has been a gentle nudge telling me to trust God. I am not in control of when I get that phone call, or more importantly with what those results are. I started feeling anxious yesterday as I waited for the phone to ring (without admitting to myself that I was waiting). I didn't use OPK's and I only temped for about 5 days around the time I thought I would ovulate based on CM....worries crept in.

What if I got my O date wrong?? What if I took the test at the wrong time? I should have been more diligent with my charting this cycle....


And you know how, say, your car starts making a funny noise? And then you tell your DH because you think something might be wrong? And he gets in the car to drive with you so he can hear it and then the noise doesn't happen? And you get frustrated because you heard it for a week before he drove with you and then again the next time you drove in the car alone?

I started having that feeling about this cycle and this progesterone test. Not only did I possibly time the test wrong, but I didn't start spotting until after the test. New thoughts...

What if this cycle is the one where my progesterone levels were normal, but all of the others weren't? And next month's isn't again?

I realize this post is making me sound completely neurotic, so I must say these were small worries in the back of my mind the past few days. They were not debilitating fears or anything, don't worry. :)

BUT these thoughts did make me stop and tell God that I trust him. He knew I would take the test this month on the day that I took it. He can make conception occur even if my progesterone levels are not normal, even if I spot, and even if DH's sperm don't move. As much as I want to control things, it is such a joy to sit back and trust God's plan for my life.

My heart is full and content today with that thought.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I made it to 8dpo

The spotting started today. I am both happy to have made it this far (5 days longer than the previous 4 cycles!) and disappointed that my body didn't hold out until at least 10dpo. But maybe it is correcting itself...?? Maybe my body just needs over a year off bcp to regulate back to normal...? It will be interesting to see what happens next cycle.

I have also been wondering if I did anything different this cycle that may have helped things. Let's see...
*I ate a lot of unhealthy food over the holidays
*I probably gained a couple of pounds (see above)
*I drank a lot of coffee
*I forgot my pre-natal vitamins a couple times while out of town
*I got sick with a bad cold

Well, those look like the opposite of what I would want in an ideal cycle!! Who knows!! :)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Tagged!

I got tagged! My very first tag!! Thank you, Jendeis, for tagging me to do a Random Things meme. I always so appreciate your comments, encouragement, and insight!!

Rules:
A. Link to the person who tagged you.
B. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
C. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

1. My middle name is Charlotte and I am the 4th generation in my family with that name (great-grandma & grandma's first name, my mom & my middle name). Of course, I hope to pass it along!

2. I find skin things super gross -- pimples, skin tags, moles, scabs, whatever. Unfortunately DH does not feel the same way.

3. I love all things "historic" -- if a movie or book is set in a different time period, I will probably want to watch/ read it.

4. I love the seasons and doings things seasonally. I save certain recipes/ activities for the corresponding season. I think I am compensating for the fact that we don't really get seasons here in my neck of the woods.

5. I am 5'6". It wasn't until college that I truly realized this is an average height because I always felt like a giant growing up. I hit puberty early and was the tallest person in 5th grade. I am taller than everyone in my family except my brother (a whopping 5'7") and my dad (a little better at 5'9"). I was even taller than my grandpa.

6. I love to eat Indian food. I am making some for dinner tonight!

7. I ALWAYS have freezing cold feet when I get into bed at night. Always.

Now I get to tag some of you! Sorry if you already did this one, I tried to check and see if you did :)

Betty at I Married Barney, Now What?
Mary at A Hopeful Unicorn
Want, Wait, & Pray at Wanting, Waiting, Praying for a Miracle
Gringa at Gringa78's blog
Restoreth at He Restoreth My Soul
Beth at Walking the Journey
Sara at Every Dog Needs a Child

****

In other news, I did get my blood drawn for a progesterone test today. Thanks for all the well-wishes! I only went to a lab so it was very uneventful. I'll let you know when I hear anything.

Still no spotting, which is very VERY nice. :)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

6dpo ovulation: No Spotting

I wanted to hurry and write this post today in case the status of my spotting changed. :) But, as of lunch time, 6 days past ovulation, I have had NO SPOTTING! Yippee!

This alone is not a huge success....when we first started TTC I made it to 9 or 10 dpo with no spotting. Then around month 4 it started at 5 or 6 dpo. And for the last 4 cycles it has started at 3 dpo. I just felt like my body was getting worse or something.

I in no way mean to imply that I could be pregnant or anything. Any "symptoms" this early in the cycle couldn't mean anything in that department since implantation usually occurs 7-10 dpo (don't quote me on those exact days, but I know it's in that range). I am just posting because it feels like my body is getting things right!! Whoo-hoo!!

The only funny thing is that this is the cyle I'm supposed to go in at 7dpo and get my progesterone checked. Kind of ironic.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Vacation's over

Back to work tomorrow. Vacation's over, and I have a bit of the Sunday Night Blues. Who wouldn't after almost 2 full weeks off of work?? Actually, my DH doesn't. He loves his job and likes the structure and routines of the work week.

I, on the other hand, do enjoy my job but I would much rather not work. Like I mentioned before, I really want to be a stay-at-home-mom. I know it's work, too. I know there will be days I would rather be at my current job than home with the kids. But today, as I anticipate "normal" life returning tomorrow, I wish I could stay home with a cute little baby.

Honestly, it probably has much more to do with not wanting to go back to work than wanting a baby. I can't totally hide behind my IF emotions, but the baby part is real, too. :)

Are you experiencing the Sunday Night Blues? Maybe you've been working these past two weeks and don't have the luxury of being where I am -- I'm sorry!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Our New Year's "Fortunes"

On New Year's Eve we went to P.F. C.hang's for a yummy, fun dinner with the IL's. At the end of the meal DH and I cracked open our fortune cookies and joked that whatever they said we would apply it to TTC in 2009. It turned out to be funnier than expected!

DH: "Appreciate the caring people who surround you. Flowers are good." Interpreted to fit: "Appreciate the caring people who surround you after your varicocele surgery. Flowers are good for recovery."

Mine: "Your courage will help others and soon will make you a leader...of your children." (Italics were our add on).

Hehe, we only had to stretch it a little, right? :)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!

2009 is here, and there is something significant about the new beginnings that come with a new year. I am feeling reflective...

Last year's celebration felt markedly excited and hopeful: This will probably be the year we conceive our first child, I had thought. I remember sitting in this exact cozy little living room at my in-laws house, watching the ball drop, and kissing DH happily. M and I giggled as we went to bed at the thought of the the changes that would occur in 2008. And I said, "By this time next year I'll probably be pregnant... and if I'm not I'll be getting worried." (Yeah, I got worried a little sooner than expected)

This year feels less dramatic. The turn of the new year does not bring the same anticipation of any significant events that will occur in 2009. But we still hope for a baby, and at the start of 2009 we are hopeful and excited...and our trust in God's plan is in the foreground. It is a quieter, more thoughtful celebration, but we are thankful that God is control of all things and has grown us closer to him and each other this year. And we welcome what God has for us in 2009!

(And I must say, I hope a pregnancy is in the picture for all of you in 2009!!!!)