Sunday, December 13, 2009

Not pregnant

I tested again today, and I'm not pregnant. I had no real symptoms to tempt me to hopefulness, so I didn't fall too far.

But I long.

And wait.

I'm tired.

My heart hurts.

I get scared about what lies ahead.

I feel stuck.

I keep praying.

And tears flow.

47 comments:

Baby Wanted said...

Big hugs! I'm so sorry!

Krystal said...

I'm sorry, sweetie!

Blessed said...

Hang in there thinking of you!

Melissa G said...

Oh Hillary, I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you, and with you. I know how difficult it is to keep going, but please take some comfort in knowing you're not alone, and we'll help you to move forward when it feels impossible.

Hugs.

Caroline said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you aren't pregnant. I am thinking of you and praying for comfort during these difficult and trying days.

MRS.B said...

I understand and I'm so sorry. I hate that you're hurting right now, but you're in my thoughts.

Just Us... said...

No matter how far the fall still hurts.

Hugs.

Leah said...

I'm so sorry Hillary. :-(

The Wife said...

I'm sorry this wasn't the cycle for you. (((hugs)))

Kate said...

I am so, so sorry, Hillary. Give yourself time to grieve even if you didn't have your hopes (too) high. Thinking of you.

Rain Child said...

I am so sorry. I am sending you my thoughts and prayers.

Missy said...

Sending you lots of hugs. I'm sorry.

Rach said...

I'm so sorry. I hate this cruel game. Out of the blogs I follow I dont think I've seen one BFP this month, sad.

WantWait&Pray said...

I am so sorry hun. There are no words that can take away the pain of another failed cycle. But know that my prayers are with you....and keep believing. Miracles DO happen.

jones said...

man. a hug. to try to stop the heart and the tears and to give a little hope. it will happen. it will.

Secret Sloper said...

So sorry that this cycle was a disappointment. Praying you get your happy forever baby soon.

Hope Endures said...

I am so, so sorry. Thinking of you today, and praying that God will bring you comfort.

Carrie said...

I am so very sorry! I am praying for you.

Rebekah said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Mrs. Hammer said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear your news. I'm sending you {{HUGS}} and prayers.

MK said...

I know how you feel. :(
BTW, I see that you had surgery for a fibroid removal, but have you ever had a lap for any possible endo?

Waiting said...

I am so sorry this cycle sucked. I am praying the next one will go really well!

Hilary said...

I'm so sorry!

entrusted said...

I'm so sorry, dear.
-andreajennine

Tabitha said...

(((HUGGS)))

finding_ac said...

maybe you should talk to your doctor about maybe going on strictly injectibles! I think on menepur alone your chances are like 40% or more!

♥ ac

Rachel said...

So sry!~

Miriam said...

Sending you a hug. I'm sorry hun.

Andrea said...

Hillary,

So sorry that you are disappointed. I have a feeling I am going to feel this same disappointment in a few days myself. It does get tiring and it's hard to find the positive, but we have to cling to FAITH and hold on to HOPE. Like you, I often wonder what lies ahead...and the unknown is the worst part.

For now, we have to hang in there and remember "you are not alone", we are here with you :) Take some time for you and do something nice for yourself. I try to treat myself when I am blue...if it only makes me feel better for a few minutes.

Love and Hugs,
Andrea
www.persuitofourfairytale.blogspot.com

Kelli said...

My heart hurts for you, Hillary. This is a tough road we're on, but do not fear the future - our God is already there and he sees our precious children. There is hope in tomorrow - although it's hard to see it right now, I KNOW great things are in store for us!! xo

Nicole said...

Oh Hillary, I'm so so sorry. I know we all wish we could change the result or at least have something to say that would make it feel not so bad. Sorry sounds lame but it's the only word there is really. :(

JC said...

I'm so sorry! I know how you feel.

Priscilla said...

Hugs...The pain is just awful!!! I'm praying for you!!!

Melis.sa said...

I'm sorry Hillary. ((HUG))

Heather said...

So sorry! Still praying for you! Stay strong and keep trying!

AplusB said...

Hillary, I am so sorry. I can imagine the disappointment. ((((HUGS)))))
I left you an award on my blog. I hope it cheers you up just a bit :)

Jendeis said...

I'm so sorry sweetie.

Shanny said...

I'm so very sorry. Big big hugs to you my dear =(

Life Happens said...

Oh Hillary, I am so sorry. I continue to pray for you. I hope you are able to enjoy time with your family.

Thinking of you!

Al said...

I'm so sorry Hilary. A big hug to you. I'll keep u in my thoughts and prayers.

wait, what? said...

I'm really sorry

twondra said...

I know there are no words. (((HUGS)))

A said...

Hey, I'm late, but I just wanted you to know you're in my prayers :) I'm so sorry about the BFN

One Who Understands said...

So so sorry. I was really hoping this was going to be it for you. (((HUGS)))

Basic Girl said...

I'm so so sorry, you're in my thoughts.

Rambler said...

oh dear! What a disappointment. I am so sorry and can say I know how you feel since I may be faced with that same test in a few days. I too wait, and feel stuck and keep praying and crying at the same time.

Indy said...

Hillary,

I'm sorry...praying for you today.