Monday, October 26, 2009

CD 2 update - Boo

Went to the RE this morning on cd 2 for my baseline u/s. He found a cyst on each ovary.

Boo.

No medications for me this cycle. He said we could do a natural IUI if we want, but my initial thoughts are it wouldn't be worth it. I might have a weak ovulation and then all of my spotting...I think I need to the meds to get and stay pregnant.

What would you do if you were me - sit it out (with timed intercourse) or do a natural IUI?

I haven't gotten a chance to google the cyst issue yet, but I have read about it on a number of blogs. The RE said it's common, and the only "bad" thing is that I can't take medications. He said most go away on their own after a month. Anyone have any experience with this? What if they are still there next month?

Also, I am a little freaked out because I had such a wonky cycle after my last clomid cycle. I was switching RE's at that point, so I never had an ultrasound. But...I had a normal period that shifted to continual spotting. I bled/ spotted for 19 days straight and then got another period. Now, I know I normally spot like crazy, but that was extraordinary even for me! And based on temperatures, I also did not ovulate that cycle. So....maybe I had a cyst or two then too? Am I going to get cysts after every medicated cycle?? Ugh.

I cried more today than I did the day of the BFN. I think the fact that I could turn around and get right back on the horse to keep trying was such an encouragement to me last week. I have always had to wait for one reason or another, but I was excited that I could finally just get going on back to back treatments. Bam, bam, bam, one IUI after another until a BFP, you know?

But, here I sit.

Before I sound full of despair, I have to share with you a sweet moment I had with the Lord this morning that has comforted me so much today. As I drove down, I listened to this sermon on the way to the RE this morning. This is not from my church, but it is a pastor that DH discovered and we really like his sermons. So, DH had listened to this one and told me it was really encouraging to him in light of our infertility. Ironically, one of the two parts is about Hannah, who prays to God after suffering through her barrenness. And as I listened to it this morning, I wept. It touched all the sadness in my soul and pointed me to the God who hears my cries and works in the middle of difficult situations to show his glory. At one point the pastor said something to the effect of, "Are you in a difficult situation? That's God's main platform to work in." I'm not expressing it as well as he did, but feel free to listen to the sermon and be encouraged like I was.

As I drove home after finding out we're sitting out this cycle, I cried again. I prayed and cried and told God all of my desires and fears....like Hannah did. I poured out my soul to my loving Father. What a blessing that God had me listen to this sermon on this day, and I am so thankful he hears my prayers!

32 comments:

kdactyl said...

Like most...I found your blog after you commented on another. I'm so sorry about today's dissapointment. Fertility is so draining because it is wait after wait after wait and then when your body does not cooperate, it is heartbreaking. I have not yet managed to read up on your whole history...but just from your Calendar I see that you are heading for IUI #3. I know the cycsts slow you down and the journey seems so long, but keep your faith. I was inspired when I read your post today.

As for cycsts...they are very normal, even in women who are not undergoing medicated cycles. If it were me, I would skip the unmedicated IUI and just relax and have a good old fashioned try at it this month. From what I have read you your blog, DH's numbers and motility are looking better and you can help that along by having him take some extra vitimin C and Zinc. It also helps if he has some caffiene shortly before BD as studies show it did have an effect on motility.

But mostly...I just want to encourage you to not get lost in the fertility trap and lose that very important intimacy with your husband. My DH and I did the IUI, miscarriag, IUI, IVF, Miscarriage, IVF BFP for over a year and we almost lost each other because the focus becomes so clinical that you lose that intimacy that God grants you as husband and wife. I encourage you to just be healthy and have a normal cycle and have FUN reconnecting physically with your husband. You may just find it is the only medicine you really needed.

God Bless you on your journey. I have been there and come out in the end with a beautiful child...but it was in God's time, not mine!

kd

Rachel said...

So sry you are going through this rough time.

Boo for the cyst! I have been there. But, I was put on BCPs and could try at all. The good thing with that was that we could relax and it helped the cysts to resolve. Since you will not be on BCPs you could still try (natural and/or IUI). That would have to be personal choice. With my situation (my background), I know that I wouldn't have much a chance without meds. and I have to pay for IUI OOP... so I would just try naturally.

Kelli said...

Boo. Boo. Boo. For Cysts.

I've had a couple cycles where cysts were discovered on my cd2 check. They always went away by the next cycle...it's just a little obstacle and it will give you a month to relax and just be.

Love you girl.

Courtney said...

I have not had any experience with this so I don't have any words of wisdom. Please know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you!

addingtothepack said...

Boo. Freaking cyst. Mine went away after one break cycle with no BCP.

I can't remember if you have IF insurance coverage or not? That would be my deciding factor on whether or not to pursue a natural IUI this cycle.

Being forced to take a cycle off blows and is hard psychologically. I'll be thinking of you.

Melissa G said...

Hillary, I'm so sorry for the bad news. Talk about adding insult to injury!

I, unfortunately don't have any advice about the cysts, but I vote for T.I... It's more fun than a doctor's appointment. ;)

Hope those cysts are gone very soon!

Hang in there.

Betty Rubble said...

They always had me do a BCP cycle after cysts were discovered....so I personally would do timed intercourse and save the big guns for the medicated cycles myself.

AplusB said...

Ugh, sorry about the cysts. It must be disconcerting, but it sounds like it is a fairly common issue with fertility medicine. I have read that most resolve on their own.

I'm sure you are anxious to jump back into another cycle, but maybe a month off would give your body a chance to get in great shape for the next month?

Rambler said...

I was also told by my RE that they are common. Just follicles left over from your last cycle. I hate how scary they sound, but the fact that they usually go away on their own after a month is a good and easy thing!

I would sit this one out too, especially if you still have the spotting and wanted some help for the ovulation phase. Relax, enjoy the start of the Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas season and save it for later!

SecretSisterhood said...

I don't have any advice for you, but I just love that the Lord spoke to you at just the right time. That's important to keep in mind... that the Lord's timing is so perfect even if it seems really off to us. He is the Giver of Life!

Keep your chin up.

Kate said...

Thinking of you. I'm in a stage, too, where I am trying to remember that God has a plan for me--better than any I can imagine. Thank you for sharing the sermon.

A baby for Al? said...

I'm so sorry about the cysts. I have read that they are common, but I don't have any experience with them.

I think if I were in your position, I would take this month off and try au natural. It will help get your body and mind ready for a medicated IUI the next cycle.

You will get your BFP, this is just a speed bump along the way. Hang in there.

Lin said...

So sorry that for the forced "benching" this cycle. I guess if money were no object, I'd go ahead with the natural IUI just to feel like I was doing something. However, I know all to well that money is a factor, so can see not spending the money if the chance is not worth the cost.

Again, so sorry for the bad news today! Thank you for the reminder that God's plan is ALWAYS better than my own. A reminder I need often on this IF journey!

(((HUGS)))
ICLW

Mary said...

I know a lot of people like to sit out a cycle to 'regroup'. I'm like you where a failed cycle is almost somehow 'better' if I could start meds again in a couple of days. So, I understand how hard that must have been. I would have been really upset too.

Argh. This is just no fair.

Buck said...

After my first (and only) round of clomid, I had cysts. I was told that I could either go on the pill (to keep my cycle short) or just wait it out. I decided to wait it out because it seemed silly to go on the pill after two years of trying for a baby. Of course I knew I was risking a 50+ day cycle.

We got pregnant on our own the "wait it out" cycle. It ended up being a miscarriage but my doctor said after that it's very possible my body was still responding to the residual effects of the clomid because I ovulated picture-perfect day 14, something I had NEVER done ever.

So I guess my point is, don't give up. It's very possible there's still some clomid in your system doing its job. I can't see you should or shouldn't do an IUI, I don't know enough about it. But just don't give up. Even though my first "wait it out" cycle didn't end well, my following "wait it out" cycle seems to be doing well...

This part sucks. I hated being told to wait. I hated thinking that there was nothing I could do to move things along. But I continue to have hope for your guys and will keep that up until you get to have your very own BFP post!

Shelley said...

Hi, just wanted to chime in since I was where you are just a few weeks ago. 5 stupid cysts after a medicated IUI! My doctor also said that they should go away in a week or so, and I hope to find out in a few days if it's true. Hang in there. While it's devastating news when I was planning to jump back on the wagon for another cycle, the pain subsides as the cycle progresses. Good luck!

The Swann's said...

SO sorry to hear about the cysts! You mention not wanting to do the natural IUI with all your spotting and stuff. You can certainly do a natural IUI and still do the Progesterone supplements as that does not contribute to cysts at all!

OR, you can sit out this cycle and reconnect with your DH as it is always needed during IF treatments...

TheDales said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the cysts. I completely understand how frustrating it is to keep waiting. Personally, I would take this time off. I wouldn't take temps, charting, use OPK's nothing. Just take the time to relax. Medicated cycles plus an IUI are stressful enough on their own...you don't need the non-medical ones to be as well!

Good luck with whatever decision that you do make!

Amanda said...

Cysts are at the top of my enemies list. I'd sit it out... actually I'd take BCPs but that's because we PCOS girls won't get a period otherwise.

I had a cyst crop up in December and it took a month and a half, but I think I might have made things worse by going on prometrium immediately after discovering it to try to get to to go away faster. It didn't work, so a month of BCPs later I was back on the clomid.

It will pass, and hopefully it does it quickly.

A said...

UGH!!! I have my cd2 u/s today, and I have been praying that I don't have any cysts!!! I'm so sorry they found some on yours...I will be praying that they heal on their own. I would probably take a break from everything- like alot of previous commenters said :)

entrusted said...

Oh, drat. I got cysts after every single medicated IUI cycle. I remember how devastated I was when I found out about them after the 1st IUI; like you, I cried more about that than I did over the negative result. It is so frustrating to have to wait when you just want to jump ahead - and to feel like one more thing has gone wrong. But after that first upset, I ended up being really grateful for the built-in break, the month to just let things be. My cysts always did go away naturally during one cycle, so I pray that's the same for you.
(Also, love Mark Dever! So glad you found him. His sermon on the whole book of Job is one of my favorites.)
::andreajennine::

jones said...

Hillary, I'm sorry that bad news keeps coming. but, given your options, I would hold off on the IUI. That's just me and I know that you'll make the right choice. good luck

Hopeful for a Baby said...

I'm in the same boat! I had an ultrasound on Friday and they found two cysts totaling 6 cms in diameter on my left ovary. The RE "benched" me for the month of November....no meds. I'm very bummed out too. But, we are still going to try with timed intercourse.
Since I am in your shoes this month, I will say that I think it's best not to do an IUI w/no meds. But, that's just my opinion!! Hang in there and if you need to talk....let me know. We can go through the cycle together if you like. Today is CD 2 for me, so we are on the same cycle!

The Wife said...

Cysts suck! I'm sorry you're having to take a break. It's the most annoying thing ever.

Wait, What? said...

Sorry about the cysts. I have done two natural IUIs both BFN. I did find some comfort in the cycle monitoring though because at least I knew everything was being perfectly timed. Good luck.

Leah said...

Sorry about the cysts. That happened to me after IVF cycle #1, and your RE is right. . . It is quite normal. It's not harmful, but if he gave you meds, they would grow, and they don't want that. In most situations, they are gone after a month.

I'm sorry. I know that the biggest solace after a BFN is jumping on that horse again. And to most, waiting a month to try again is no big deal, but for people like us, who it seems have already been waiting too long, a month can seem like forever.

I'm glad that you received comfort from the sermon. It's such a comforting feeling knowing we are never alone.

Thinking of you.

Pickle said...

Don't be discouraged. Cysts are so common after a medicaded cycle that my re ALWAYS skips a cycle between medicated ones. Just to give your ovaries a chance to catch up. The medications produce SO many folicles and there are bound to be several that don't make it to maturity. Hang in there and let this cycle be a break for your body (and you checkbook)

Ann - Building a Nest said...

Just sit it out (or ttc on your own) and relax this month.

I've had cysts twice (once unmedicated & once after a medicated cycle). They are very common and do usually go away after your cycle is over with.

So sorry for the bad news.

keep calm and carry on... said...

ugh. i hate cysts.. i got them after my first round of femara + injections and had to wait a round also.

my second round was clear after (a BFN of course, but no cysts) so hopefully this is the only time you get that side effect!

sorry you have to take a mandated break though. it's always harder to break when it's not your choice.

Heather said...

The Lord knows what you are going through - isn't it nice when He lets you know that? So nice to hear He is encouraging you. Praying it happens even this cycle - for His glory!

gringa78 said...

I'm so sorry about your cyst. I had one a few months ago and had to sit out a cycle too and it was so depressing and frustrating. Mine disappeared within a cycle though, and from what I've read most do. I'm thinking of you and hoping for a lucky Christmas BFP for you...as always, I'm hopeful for you.

Heather said...

Hi Hillary! I am new to your blog...but found you through a friend and wanted to give you some encouragement and prayers. I had the same thing happen with a massive cyst right before I was going to start Clomid and I was devastated. But we prayed down the heavens and it was gone on its own by the next month's ultrasound. I hope yours will go away, too.
Keep trusting in Jesus to carry you through the hard days. He is faithful!