Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Work woes

A new situation arose at work yesterday that has made my mind race and my eyes shed some tears. It's not necessarily a problem; in fact, there are many things about it that would be wonderful!

However, the part that is making my stomach hurt is how incredibly stuck I feel in my life. I know God has me here at my job and childless for a reason. But I am struggling with the fact that I never imagined I would still be here.

When I left teaching and took my two jobs three years ago, I figured I would be working there for about two years until we had our first baby. Then I would be a stay at home mom, which is my heart's true desire. And honestly, I am happy and thankful I left teaching (trust me, I would be WAY more stressed out all the time if I were still there!). I am also happy and thankful I got these jobs three years ago. They have been exactly what I needed, I learned a whole new skill set, and have generally enjoyed what I do. I just don't want to do it anymore, but the one thing I want to do is completely out of my control.

This new development will potentially give me a "way out" of my job in 6-12 months. Obviously, I could leave sooner than that if I wanted to, but that would be the perfect amount of time to fully train somebody else. And also leave me some time to get pregnant...?

But will my womb be empty then? What will I do if I do leave that position then with no children-to-be? I am stuck in the unknown, and stuck in a place I don't want to be.

18 comments:

Michelle said...

I know what you're feeling and I'm so sorry. I wish I had some insightful wonderful thing to say, but all I can say is, I know how you feel and I'm thinking about you!!
xoxoxoxo
~Michelle

Leah said...

I'm so sorry you feel stuck. I can totally relate to that feeling and it sucks. :-(

I don't have any words of advice except that I have so much faith that everything will work out for you.

Thinking of you.

Lin said...

So sorry that you're feeling stuck! It sounds like a great opportunity, but with many what ifs. Those what ifs are always the hard part! (((HUGS))) Best of luck coming to a decision!

oursomedayfamily.blogspot.com

MK said...

Unfortunately, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I want nothing more than to be a stay at home mom, but what do I do instead? Data entry. Data freaking entry. It's putting my husband through school, so I know it's been a blessing to have this job. I fully realize that. But when I think of all my friends who are stay at home moms and already have like, 3 kids, I start sinking into a deep depression. Life really is just so unfair sometimes, isn't it? I hope God isn't angry with me for wanting more in my life.

Tabitha said...

This is easy for me to say because I'm not in your exact situation, but I'm excited about this for you! It sounds to me like God is opening up a door...I'm just sayin'...=)

addingtothepack said...

Ugh. I'm also dealing with IF-related career angst. In my case, I also want to stay at home once we have a baby, but in the meantime I'm stuck in a job I hate -- but why go through the stress of finding a new job when I'm just going to quit "soon" anyway? Ugh.

Melis.sa said...

I know how you feel about being stuck, obviously i don't have work outside of the home, but i do know how suffocating feeling stuck can be.

I hope this new opportunity brings some unexpected joy...

entrusted said...

Hey, just a thought - you don't have to be a mom to stay at home! I've contemplated being a stay-at-home wife many times. I've continued to work for a few different reasons. But it helps me to feel less stuck when I realize there are more than just the two options of work or be a mom. Praying that the Lord leads you and your husband as you consider this opportunity!

Astrid said...

Ugh, that does sound like both a blessing and a curse. And certainly invites one to live in the future...which has its own perils. But have faith that it will work out, that things will progress over the next 6-12 months and that a master plan will reveal itself at the appropriate time.

RachieD said...

I too know how you mean - my job was a stop gap to fill the time til I fell pregnant, but it actually turns out to be something that has been most fulfilling during the awful time of TTC, so turned out to be a bit of a blessing. now when i fall, I think I will actually really miss it. Hopefully this will be the same for you! xx

Kelly said...

I know how you feel! I am also dealing with IF - I was recently promoted, and all I could think was... what if I got pregnant, should I accept the promotion if I am just going to quit and be a stay at home mom??
Keep your faith, and God will provide!

Courtney said...

I'm so sorry. Keep trusting that God has great plans for you and just remember that He is in control, even when we feel like everything about our lives is so complicated. Listen to your heart and just do what you feel is best. It's so hard to face the unknown and not plan for the future. I'll be praying for you!

Mrs. Hammer said...

Stuck is the worst place to be :( I will pray for God to give you direction on the best decision. I totally know how you feel though. I would LOVE to quit my job and never thought I would be working where I'm at this long. But God has a reason, I just wish I knew what it was...

Kelli said...

Tomorrow finishes my first week back to school...I'm so stressed and the kids aren't even there yet! I hope the "way out" is perfect timing for you and your these worries will be a distant memory! Love you!

Angie said...

IF has a way of always making us feel stuck.....sorry you are feeling that way right now. Just know, you are not alone!

Jess said...

I learned something new about you, I didn't know you were a teacher! I also left teaching, and I don't regret it one bit! I hate the feeling of being stuck and I was left feelign like that a few months after I decided to stop teaching. That is when I decided to go back to school. I wanted to do something for me until we had a baby. I worry that I'm going to graduate with either an empty womb or empty arms. :(

I'm praying that God fills your heart with whatever it may need and you will not feel "stuck!"

ICLW

babyparamore.blgospot.com

AplusB said...

Thanks for your blog. We are just beginning our journey and I really appreciate the strength you demonstrate through your posts.

Delenn said...

I think we all have times in our lives that we feel in limbo. I have had several times that I have had those feeling in my life, and they are always precipated by the unknowns, the uncontrollables. It is hard to plan when your life is not in your power to control.

I am sorry you are at this point. The good news is time moves on and inevitably something happens to move you in one direction or the other...I have learned that much.

I hope that your future holds what you desire most in life. But, until then--hold on and hang in there!