Saturday, June 27, 2009

Renewed hope

I think people must have been praying for me, because, suddenly and in an instant, a burden lifted off of me yesterday.

And, today, I am hopeful.

I am hopeful I will be able to get pregnant! Maybe not jumping up and down hopeful, and definitely still mixed with some doubt hopeful, but it has suddenly reappeared.

Honestly, it was so sudden that I do feel like it was a gift from God. I had been researching IVF all week, and coming to a place where we said we probably wouldn't do IVF was difficult. I felt like a whole potential leg of our journey was cut off, that we have that many fewer steps to take to attempt to get pregnant....and that that would have been our best shot. Who can deny those 50% success rates? And most people with MFI need IVF.

But as I was reading a few of your blogs after work yesterday, I sat back and suddenly thought, You know we could totally get pregnant. We haven't even really been able to try much since January because of our surgeries! We need to get back to TTC!

And that thought led to another. I don't think DH's MFI is that bad anymore. I could be wrong, and no doctor has said this directly (although Dr. Uro did say we could be candidates for IUI when we got DH's post surgery SA). But, but, some math with me!:

A sample "normal" SA that I made up. All of these numbers are within normal parameters (as shown in paranthesis):

Count: 48 mil (>20 mil)
Volume: 2 m/L (>1m/L)
Motility: 60% (>50%)
Total motile: 58 million

Now, here is DH's last SA sample:

Count: 145 million (>20 mil)
Volume: 4 m/l (>1 m/l)
Motility: 10% (>50%)
Total motile: 58 million

The total motile #'s are the same!!**

I know motility is very important. And there are a lot of sperm that are not moving, obviously. But...if we do the "sperm washing" we will still have quite a few motile ones for an IUI, I would think. And his next SA could be even better, since the full effects of the surgery take up to a year!

DH got home from work and I busted out these calculations for him. And I think he was just thrilled to see me happy about our pregnancy prospects for the first time in awhile.

Before bed I was reading my Bible and came across this about King Asa, who lived a life seeking God but went astray at the end: "In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the Lord, but sought the help from physicians." 2 Chronicles 2:12

Wow, I was so humbled! I want to seek my help from the Lord all the days of my life! I am thankful to have doctors to work with, but my help and hope come from the Lord who gives and takes away.

**MFI girls, there might be something you know that I'm not seeing. Feel free to let me know if this is totally unrealistic. Just be gentle -- I just got my hopes up. :)


Betty Rubble said...

For an IUI they want a MINIMUM of 20 million sperm--it doesn't matter what PRE WASH motility is! His count is FANTASTIC! PLUS a LOT of thing can affect motility PLUS remember that was the FIRST post surgery test! Those sperm were in teh making BEFORE his surgery!

Remember we conceived Bam AFTER being told IVF ONLY! You are a LONG LONG way from that journey...adn ot be honest I think the 50% odds are a bit skewed!

Jen said...

i was going to say the same... since his count is so much higher... even if his percentage is lower, his ACTUAL NUMBER OF GOOD SPERM will be almost the same... like 10% of 100 is 10, but 10% of 500 is 50....

Mrs. Gamgee said...

While I don't know a lot of details about MFI, I did want to comment on hope...

There is a quote from Michael J. Fox that I love: "Hope cannot exist in a vacuum." Hope must be nurtured, clung to, and striven toward... Hang in there and hang on to that hope! It will take you through many a challenging day.

Sending prayers!

Kelli said...

This post brought me to tears!

I usually pray for all the blog girls as a group, but for some reason while I was running yesterday you were on my mind and I spent about a quarter mile praying for you specifically. You have been such an inspiration and support to me and I am so glad you have a renewed hope! xoxo

Melissa said...

Glad to hear that you're feeling hopeful!! I'm reading Ezekiel right now, and not finding much comfort. Your DH's numbers are awesome!! I can't wait until you guys start IUI!!

bumpfairy said...

That is very exciting to read!! DH had a motility of 6% and we were told IVF was our only hope ( PCOS)

I am now the mother of two, no IVF or IUI.

So it DOES happen!! Very exciting! and it sounds like you have come to such a healthy place of acceptance and progress!

Sabrina ICLW

Hope.Faith.Patience said...

The results look great to me. I'm so hopeful for you and think your chances are looking good.
I hope you get to see an RE soon and you can get the TTC show on the road again :-)

c by the sea said...

with an IUI, they just want you to have at least 10 million motile post wash. those pre numbers look good to me. did the morphology improve as well?

good luck!

A said...

we aren't dealing with MFI, so i don't know much about that, but i was SO excited to read about this hopeful spirit of yours! i am a sucker for hope ;-) i will continue praying that God will keep shining his peace into your life!

it's nice to read someone's blog whose hope is unabashed like mine!

Jendeis said...

I am so happy for your renewed hope and continuing faith.

DH's numbers are improving which is the most important thing.

I am so praying that things continue to improve with you two.

ryanandjoesmom said...

Making it in under the ICLW wire and was pleased to see a hopeful post. I am hopeful that your prayers and renewed peace lead you in a direction that you and your hubby are ready for. Along with the others, these numbers look good. I will be checking back to see how you all are doing.

Take Care

WantWait&Pray said...

I admire your outlook and attitude are SO RIGHT! God is the God if healing, hope, and of miracles. I get all negative and sad, scared and hopeless and then I am reminded that God can do anything. ANYTHING! Who am I to try to take the reigns and lead us.....he's the one leading us and by his grace, we will be parents. You have had lots of people praying for you and continiuing to. God bless you!

Cinbin said...

I am so happy to see your renewed hope! It must be such a relief to have come to a decision about your next steps. You only need 20 mill for the IUI to get some good ones, and your DH has a great count, and I hope to be right behind you in a month or two!

Mrs. Hammer said...

Your math does look good. I will be praying for you guys!!

♥Tabitha said...

Good for you for keeping a positive attitude!!

Melody said...

Yay! I'm excited about this renewed hope you have....very cool about the verses you read. Your faith is so strong and your transparency is very inspiring. Thanks for sharing right where you are.

strongblonde said...

i was going to say exactly what betty said. who cares about the pre- numbers!! it's the end count that matters :) this is great news!

jones said...

I'm so happy to read that things shifted for you in a really positive way. these ups and downs get so draining that I really try to hold on to those hopeful days!