Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Surrender

On Sunday at church we sang a song that is quite popular at our church right now. There is this one verse in that gets me right here...right at the heart of me and my infertility. It goes like this:

Take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

I feel like when I enter worship at church each week...or open my Bible to read...or seek God in prayer... I am coming before him with all these infertility fears and failures. You know what fears I am talking about! The day to day fears and the BIG fear we all carry: what if I never have children? And my failures of worry, anxiety, self-focus....this list could go on.

I love how this song reminds me that I give those things to God, and HE is what fills me. He is my satisfaction and having a baby will not 'fulfill' me. I desire that joy, that experience, that blessing of being a mother and having children...but, for me, it is not what my life is about, as much as I might feel like it is in the midst of this. I give my life to follow, everything I believe in...my life is about glorifying God and being satisfied in him. My heart bursts and aches and is filled with joy at this thought!! And, somehow, I seek to surrender my infertility to God. He is my hope.

11 comments:

Jen said...

thank you. i try to remember and remind myself of that all the time... that a baby will not fulfill me, even though i feel like it will. that my life is about more than that. it helps to read it from you too.

Betty Rubble said...

Amen to that!

I am currently reading a brilliant book by a former Episcaplian Priest. Barbara Brown Taylor "Leavin Church" a memoir of faith. I HIGHLY recommend it.

It may help "enlighten" as well.

Hugs.

WantWait&Pray said...

We sing this worship song often as well....it's always tough for me to get through this one because all of the words (for me) are word of praise for what we've been through, what we're currently going through and such a reminder that God is the God of everything. In everyone's struggles and hardships- and He has the power to save, to heal and to answer prayers. He is so mighty.

♥Tabitha said...

beautiful!!!

Infertility is Hard said...

What a beautiful and fitting song. I too need to surrender. It's so humbling to realize how out of control we are of all of this.

A said...

I love that song!!! Surrendering is tough, but I like to think that if I stop squirming and fighting His embrace, it will be alot easier (and faster) for Him to comfort me!!

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

Thank you so much for that. I try to remember that and I have to make myself know that- even though I do truly know that...with infertility it is such a constant struggle to remember that having that baby will not fulfill me like He does!

Silya said...

Yes. True and beautiful. A sweet woman at my church (who struggled with infertility herself) told me "no matter what happens, we still get to be with God at the end." I loved that. God has given me more than I deserve already.

Kelli said...

That's awesome! I have so much faith and trust in God but I feel that I fall short in having that heart bursting full of joy relationship with Him...I want it, I desire it - He's there, I just need to make it happen.

Thank you :)

Kelly said...

What a great post! Thank you. My name is Kelly and I am also have a fertility blog. confessionsoftheinfertilemertile.blogspot.com

Heather said...

That song gets me too, and that's not the only one. These days I don't think there is one time when I am praying or in church when my infertility consumes my thoughts. So many people in the Bible who have been faithful and surrendered, and God has been faithful in return. I know He will be with you too-he loves you just as much! God bless!