Sunday, April 26, 2009

Would this be weird?

Tomorrow morning at 8 am I'm off to get my cd 3 ultrasound and blood work. DH totally surprised me by saying, "Hey, can I go with you?"

Now, he is generally supportive about our infertility by letting me talk his ear off, asking questions sometimes, and offering hugs when needed. But he's not truly interested in it. I do all the research, I read the books, I think about different options...I honestly don't think our infertility crosses DH's mind unless it relates to me and my emotional responses, you know? So I was shocked when he asked this, especially when the thought of him coming with me hadn't even entered my mind as a possibility or as something I would need.

I think he wants to go to show me he is actively interested in this infertility stuff for my sake. But I also think he is genuinely curious to see what the ultrasound is like, and he wants to see the picture of my ovaries because he likes the scientific/ medical side of things.

The funny thing is, I don't know if I want DH to come with me! I honestly don't feel like I "need" him there like I imagine I would at other times. I'm also wondering if this would be totally weird?? If it were something *important* and I really wanted DH there, I wouldn't care if we looked weird to the medical staff. But this is my first time going in to this office (it's a local ob/gyn's office that partners with my out-of-town RE for ultrasounds) and I kind of don't want to look like that freaked out infertility patient who brings her husband to her first silly appointment.

DH wouldn't care if I said I didn't want him to go. But should I promote his unexpected interest and bring him along? What do you think? Also, a technical question: Do I need to have a full bladder? I had an u/s once before (in regards to my spotting before TTC) and I was told to come with a full bladder...but the RE's office didn't say anything about that for this u/s.

PS - I realize I just wrote this whole long post and want to make it clear that I am not stressed out about this. I don't think it's a big deal either way, but I thought I would throw it out to you as we weigh our options in this *little* decision. :)

11 comments:

Betty Rubble said...

To be honest, if he wants to go LET HIM.

HOWEVER-my RE's office will NOT let the husbands into the ultrasound room. My old RE would give me the photos of my ovaries to take home, but this RE won't. Your office may be different...so you may even want to tell him he can come to the next one once you check out the policy.

Good luck tomorrow!

Amanda said...

I don't take my husband to my baselines. They are kinds icky seeing how AF is already accompanying me. Plus, I'm kinda fiercely independent and don't want to seem that I can't do everything on my own (this is just me, I've always done everything on my own and having some else around just annoys me).

That said, I have let him come to mid cycle u/s's when he just happens to be with me, and they are more interesting... it's more fun to see a follicle than my fugly ovaries.

I do insist that he is present for IUIs. If we're not having sex to make babies, then he ought to at least be present. However, I think he found the IUI to be kinda a weird and awkward experience for him. No idea why it would be weird for some strange guy to be inseminating your wife ;)

If he really wants to, then let him, but if you are planning a mid cycle that might be a better time, plus you will be more used to the procedure by then too.

Word of warning, I think baselines are a little more uncomfortable than mid cycles. They have to push a little harder with the wand since it's a little harder to find the ovaries, so mid cycle might be better for that reason too.

Mary said...

If he's showing interest I would certainly let him go. I don't think that the Dr's would think that it's weird in the LEAST. You would not by any means be the first woman to have her hubby along. I wouldn't ever discourage Scott from coming to anything IF related.

And I think it's cute:)

Kelli said...

I'm all for bringing the hubby along whenever possible. They don't get to see/experience the whole IF thing b/c nine times out of ten they don't NEED to be there. But, I do think that by coming along they can get a better idea of what we go through and all of our ramblings make more sense to them. Plus they may feel more needed in the process, even if it's just to hold your hand.

Oh, and don't worry about the staff there - I've seen plenty of DH's around and I'm sure they have too!

Best When Used By said...

I would let him come along if he wants - it's nice that he's interested. Who cares what the staff or RE or anyone thinks? If you're okay with it, that's all that matters.

I don't think you need to have a full bladder before you go. They'll tell you if you do. I've found the U/S procedure itself to feel more like pressure and poking (like, jeez, did you have to jab me?), but no pain.

Good luck and I hope all goes well!

ICLW

tiffany said...

I say take him with you. My DH always remembers different details than I do - so we come away with a much better overall picture of what the doctor said.

strongblonde said...

maybe he wants to go for himself....to see what this is all about? my RE would let the husbands in for everything, even ER!

you don't need a full bladder. it will be a transvag US ;)

Becca said...

Hi Hillary, I recently found your blog and started following your journey. I hope all goes well tomorrow. I agree with the other gals - if your hubby wants to come along, by all means bring him! Mine has come to most of my RE appts and it helps both of us feel like we are in this together (rather than it just being my "problem").

Infertility is Hard said...

No need to have a full bladder for these.

I'd take him. Anytime my husband shows interest, I love having him with me, because I want him to realize the impact infertility has on me. Men have to give a sample every one in a while. We women have to go through ultrasound after ultrasound (especially during a medicated cycle) then bloodwork. I know when I brought my husband, he had a new appreciation for the strain of this on me.

Good luck with everything. :-D

Missy said...

If he wants to go, then who cares if the dr would think it's weird.

1tsp-grace said...

My partner came with me to my first visit to the Fertility Clinic. They said he should come so we could talk together about what was happening and what to expect.

The ultrasound was a total surprise (they really should warn you!) and he was invited to watch but opted out.

Long story short, while I suppose it depends on what the office will allow, I say let him go if he wants to go. You are so incredibly lucky to have someone who is interested and wants to be a part of the process.

And I wouldn't worry about your bladder, unless they tell you to.

Thanks for your supportive comment on my blog!

ICLW