Thursday, April 30, 2009

Post surgery SA sample dropped off

Friends, thank you so much for all of your kind words, understanding, and reassurances. I do know those numbers are fine. They are normal. As much as I can tell from those numbers (which I know is not the be-all or end-all), my eggs are ready to make babies. I think I just wanted them to be better, you know? To make me feel like I have many child-bearing years left. But those numbers can't really predict that...and I can only see what is here in front of me. And what is in front of me is that my bloodwork results are normal. (Funny side note: When I was crying and showed DH the numbers he said, "What!? Those numbers are inside the normal ranges. How would you feel if the normal limit was 50% and you got 3%? And I had to laugh really hard through my tears, because he was referring to his own sperm motility, and he can say it in such a funny way).

This week has hit me like a ton of bricks. Remember how excited and anxious I was to get the ball rolling and move forward? I am so glad we are, but A LOT has happened and will happen in this week. So many tests and so much information that I am barely able to start processing it all. My emotions are so close to the surface that the best way I can describe myself is that I feel fragile. Last night I had two sobbing sessions.

I dropped off the post surgery semen analysis today. I had no traffic and found parking easily, so it was a smooth drop off...which I felt like was a small blessing from the Lord, especially knowing my fragile state. I checked the STAT box myself on the SA form. I wonder if a lot of my emotional state comes from an underlying anxiety about this test. Probably. I just want to get these results and process ALL of this information. Cry or rejoice depending on the news, and pray.

A re-cap of this week:
Monday: u/s (found the fibroids) and b/w

Tuesday: incredibly painful SHG, found out fibroid is decreasing my fertility by 30%, need to have surgery

Wednesday: got b/w results back that were normal and good... but not excellent like I had hoped

Thursday: SA (maybe we'll get the results at the end of the day??)

Friday: appointment with urologist in the AM, and then consult appointment with my ob/gyn about the surgery in the PM

I'd like this week to be over, please.

A verse that has always been such a comfort to me:
1But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
2When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43:1-2

9 comments:

Betty Rubble said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Good luck to you!!

Infertility is Hard said...

Oh honey, your feelings are completely normal, and please know that all of your blog friends are here for you. :-D

It is nothing short of overwhelming to go through infertility. It begins with the anticipation of the tests, and it isn't until the tests happen, that we realize how fragile they make us. We are poked, prodded, and have to go through things that no one should have to deal with. It is so difficult, and you will definitely have your breakdowns. Just know we're all here for you. (hugs) :-D

Melissa said...

I hope the SA comes back with increased motility!!

It stinks that this is what we need to do in order to try and have babies. Thankfully you're doing the tests and getting the results pretty quickly and then you guys will have a game plan!!

Best of luck hun, Keeping you in my prayers :)

A said...

What a great passage to keep in mind this week! And, WOW, what a week it's been for you! Geez. I hope the consultation tomorrow is productive and that the SA results are in the normal ranges!!

Mary said...

Hillary,

I feel like I've been a bad blogging friend to you lately. I'm sorry. I'm praying that these SA results come back showing that the surgery did help DHs motility out a LOT. I feel for you that you have so much that has happened and is about to happen. I wish I could do something to make it easier for you. Let us know what happens with the SA as soon as you can. I'm rooting for you, hon!!

Mrs. Hammer said...

You have had such a busy week. I can completely understand why you feel overwhelmed. IF is overwhelming in and of it's self. You will be in my prayers.

gringa78 said...

There is a quote I think of often by Winston Churchill: "When you're going through hell, just keep going". Keep moving forward...information can be scary, but it's better to know so that you can focus on it, rather than not knowing and running in circles. I'm wishing you the very best with the SA results...hang in there honey- I'm thinking of you.

Kelli said...

WOW! You've had a busy week!

I can't say I miss all the appointments, tests, needles, drugs, and procedures...but I also can't wait to get back into it!

Missy said...

Keep us posted. I'll be wishing good thoughts for the SA