Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Stuck

When was the last time you made a *new* friend? It's been awhile for me. Sure, there are co-workers who sort of became friends, but I don't think they'll stay friends long after I stop working. And there are some newer couple friends that we like to hang out with, but that's different than a girlfriend...

Today I had a lunch date with my *new* friend, and I was seriously so excited thinking about it all week! I've known her loosely for a couple years, but only recently had more opportunities to get to know her. And, as expected, we had a fabulous time at lunch. I can't wait until I get to see her again.

And how AWESOME is this:
I was telling her about my job and how swamped I am all the time, and said ideally we want to get the point where we can hire somebody to work with me part-time. I mentioned that "eventually when I have kids" I would want this person to take over for me and work full time.

She will be finishing her job in June and does not want to go back, so she is looking for a new job. She said, "Maybe I could work with you." Just like that. I wanted to cry for joy at the thought of this, but I played it cool and said we should keep that option on the table. I'll talk to my boss.

This is amazing on so many levels. I would get to work with somebody wonderful. I have felt burdened with too much to do at work, and the idea of somebody sharing that load with me is like a breath of fresh air. And it's a way out. I'm the only person who does my job, and I have really grown to fill many roles in this company. I could not quit before I had thoroughly trained my replacement (of course, I could, but I wouldn't want to do that to my boss or company).

As my body has remained in its non-pregnant state my plans have come to a standstill.

If I had gotten pregnant when we started trying, I would have a newborn right now. If I had said newborn, I would not be working. We would have had to hire that replacement and I would have been out of there.

But for the last few months as I have realized there is no end in sight to my working days I have become dissatisfied with my job. And I feel stuck -- not just because I can't ditch the company, but what else would I do? I don't want to find and learn a new job when all I really want to do is get pregnant and and be a SAHM.

But here is my way out.

I already planned it this afternoon: My friend, K, starts working with me part-time in June. I train her, and we have fun working together. She needs to be full-time, and I want to be out of there anyway, so I quit in September and only work at my other part time job. Then I have my baby in January.

Oops, did I forget to mention that part? Yeah, this plan hinges on getting pregnant next month. Because I can't drop down to 15-20 hours a week indefinitely as you're average non-pregnant woman. I would drive myself crazy without enough to do for too long....and would feel like I should be earning money...But if there was an end point of having a baby then I could....

But it's time to step out of this dream world. I of all people should know not to make any imaginary plans based on a pregnancy that could be a long time away still -- if ever. I should know better.

Sorry, K, as great as it would be to hire you on it just won't work (unless you get desperate and are willing to work part-time...??)*

Infertility makes me feel stuck.

*PS-I think my short term solution is to talk to my boss about hiring somebody on with me part time, even if it's not K. But pregnancy is SUCH a better solution in my mind :)

5 comments:

Betty Rubble said...

A word of advice on working with friends--DONT. Seriously it causes resentment when one calls off, or takes advantange of a situation--It sounds fun...but isn't after a while. Its kind of like working w/your spouse. You wind up resenting each other and don't spend any time together.

Anita said...

I think it's impossible not to make imaginary pregnancy plans - it's fun to plan, it gives me hope but unfortunately it can also lead to great disapointment. Lately i've been dreaming about nursery decorating :) I too long to be a SAHM - I quit my full time job 2 years because of the long hours and communte -hoping it would help me get pregnant. Since then i've been doing casual teaching which I don't particularly like. I keep thinking I need to look for another kind of job but it's hard to know what to do and i'm scared of having to explain my IF treatment with a new employer.

I really hope your work situation works out, hopefully a BFP will be your solution!!

c by the sea said...

i can totally relate! i own a small preschool and now have to enroll for the fall, although i am hoping against hope that i will have a baby at some point in 2009. but i can't just stop working if i don't get pregnant, but i don't want to leave everyone high and dry without childcare. i recently connected with someone who may be able to take over for me if i do get pregnant too, but what if i don't? i am such a planner, it's hard not to try to figure things out ahead of time.

good luck. i hope you get pregnant and are able to work something out with work. good luck!

Mary said...

If my plans had worked out right and my first pregnancy held, I would have delivered last November. My baby would be 6 months old and I wouldn't have worked for probably about 9. But, here I sit, working two jobs just like you and going to school w/ no baby or pregnancy.
Making plans sucks.
But, you never know...you just might get pregnant next month!

ASHELY said...

I see you have already been tagged, but I tagged you as well. :)