Sunday, March 15, 2009

Public speaking

I, like many people, hate public speaking. And so does my DH, but he is actually quite good at it once he gets over the intense nervousness leading up to it. But let me tell you, he gets really, really nervous beforehand. He is almost miserable for a few days prior to the big event. (Fortunately he doesn't do it all that often.)

Well, we had another one of those miserable public speaking weeks last week. He spoke tonight at our church's youth group meeting, and now that it is over he is as happy as a clam. And he did great!

The past few days he had been preparing, practicing, and fighting anxiety. I tried to be as supportive and helpful as I could during this period, but as the days went on I realized it was pretty much all he could think about. He was so wrapped up in his nervousness, and as much as he wanted to think and talk about other things, his mind constantly pulled him back to his talk that laid ahead. And I was getting a little frustrated...

Then I realized: this is just like me and IF! Oh my gosh!! It was an almost comical realization.

So one night after I listened to DH go on and on about his talk (both the content and just his emotions about doing it) and tried to support him, I mentioned this. I told him the way he felt was very similar to how I deal with IF. And he got it. He has always been supportive and understanding overall, but I don't think he could relate. But now, as he faced a lot of emotions and his public speaking anxiety, he could see a glimpse of what I feel. That always-in-the-back-of-your-mind issue that is always fighting it's way to the front. That topic you could seriously think and talk about all the time. The thing that makes you nervous, and can interfere with your sleep. The topic that pretty much interrupts your regular, day to day life functioning. For DH, that's public speaking. For me, that's infertility.

I am proud of my DH for trusting God, working through his anxiety, and doing a great job tonight. I hope he can say the same about me whenever we get to some end-point in our IF.

9 comments:

Gina said...

Yay for the A-HA moment. I really wish I could get my DH to have one. No matter how supportive he is I just don't think he really gets it.

Mary said...

What a great comparison! I'm just like your DH and literally will make myself sick with how bad my nerves get with public speaking. It is very much like dealing with IF where it is ALL you can think about until it's over. At least for me. I'm glad that you found something that could make him 'see' how dramatically IF effects your life.

♥Tabitha said...

What a great comparison! =)

Fallopian 'Tudes said...

That's very sweet, my husband's the same way - so nervous, but once he gets going, he's great at it!

Mrs. Hammer said...

You just gave me a great conversation starter with my DH. How cool is God that He took a talk with your youth group and turned it into a way to connect you both deeper on this infertility journey.

The Wife said...

That's great that you were able to share with your husband and have him better understand the thoughts that go through your head. Sometimes God's grace comes up unexpectedly but it's still awesome.

Erica said...

You are fighting the anxiety everyday and the fact that you're still here, blogging and facing your life means only one thing, Hillary. You are WINNING! And, you will get to the end of this road and you'll have won then too. Even as I type it, I think, "will we ever really feel at peace with this journey and its endpoint?" I have to believe that we will.

Much congrats to your DH! Mine despises public speaking too. He won't even come into my 5th grade class, 'cuz he's afraid to be in front of them. LOL!

Caroline said...

You sound like such a supportive wife. I'm sure that your DH is thankful to have you when he is facing an anxiety provoking time. You seem to work really well together as a team.

jones said...

While my DH understands, I think that his emotional response to our *situation* is very different from mine. I think that it's incredible that you were able to relate it in a way that he can appreciate how you're experiencing all of this.