Sunday, February 1, 2009

It's not a race, Hillary

We had a friend of mine over for dinner last week, and it was so wonderful to see her since she lives a few hours away now. This friend, Natalie, got married last September and it was fun to hear about her newlywed life.

I'm sure you can see where this is going. :)

No, she is not pregnant. But, I know from a conversation just before her wedding that they want to wait a year before TTC. And suddenly a year doesn't seem so far away (it's 8 months away at this point).

Natalie was one of my bridesmaids. Another one my bridesmaids, Carrie, is getting married in April. Of course this makes me wonder...when will she start TTC? How much time do I have left before I start getting passed by these friends of mine?? Friends who I do NOT wish infertility upon but I am also fearful of them leaving me behind.

I am in a fortunate position because I don't have many friends who I feel like are "getting pregnant all around me." I have a number of friends with babies and small children, but they all have been married longer and/or are older than me. Somehow in my mind, this exempts them from my IF fears. One of these people is my best friend, Jennifer, who already had her two daughters before we even started TTC. This doesn't bother me.

I have to remind myself that this is not a race. As difficult as it might be to have Natalie or Carrie get pregnant, I have to trust that God has a perfect (but perhaps not easy) plan for each of our lives. I want to celebrate the life he creates, even if it is not in my womb!

And this also causes me to think about my fourth bridesmaid, Allison. She is not married nor does she have a boyfriend. Here I am scared of other friends getting pregnant...and she has had to watch all of us get married when I know she longs for that herself. And without a spouse, she can't have children either. That's a lot of life dreams and potential fears still on hold for her.

I may have said this before, but infertility has made me so thankful for DH. I am so blessed that I am married (to a wonderful man), and that I have the possibility of getting pregnant. I have my best friend and companion to navigate life with. I know we really shouldn't compare sufferings, but I do think the single life would be more difficult for me.

Anyway, it is not a race. But here's to hoping I don't need to write another blog post in a few months about how difficult it was for my infertile self to hear the news of a friend's pregnancy. Maybe I'll be pregnant by then?!?

And for Anita: Here's a picture of the bridesmaid gown I'll be wearing in April. It will be fun to dress up and be part of my friend's wedding! :)


Anonymous said...

Its not a race...but it feels like it when you are the one left at the starting line...

We just have to remember that while others have surpassed us there are still those standing with us....

And that dress is beautiful.

Mary said...

I think you'll get that baby sooner than you think, Hillary:)

Caroline said...

Hi Hillary,

I know what you mean about trying not to consider life as a race. It is difficult when friends start to conceive all around you - particularly when they have been married for a short time or haven't even been trying for long.

You have so much time on your side and i'm sure it will happen for you too!

I think that the dress is gorgeous!

April said...

it really does feel like a race, though. and one that you really don't have control over. like someone stole your good shoes at the same time that everyone else got super cleats.

i actually like the dress. i love weddings. i have not been to one in two years..... is that the color that you are wearing, too?

gringa78 said...

Hey Hillary- I know exactly how you feel...DH said the same thing to me the other day because I told him I was "bracing myself for the next announcement".

We can't fight the path we're on...we just need to keep moving forward. Each day that goes by brings us one step closer to our babies.

Anonymous said...

It is so important to remember friends like Allison. As painful as infertility is, it is such a blessing to have a life partner that you love and cherish, who accompanies you on the journey. Thinking of my single friends makes me so thankful too, and does help keep perspective in all of this.

Melissa said...

I hear you! But it is hard to remember that. I two of my six SIL's are still having kids. One is pg the other one is trying. But like you I have a friend who is one of my last single friends and i don't like to talk about IF while she's still waiting to meet a great guy.

I also like the dress.

Anita said...

I know what you mean :) My hubby has needed to remind me many many times it's not a race - or a competition. But it's so hard when you feel like you're being overtaken and left behind.

But you're right, God has a plan for our lives -- hopefully it involves babies sooner rather than later... hehe :)

Thanks for showing me the dress :) I really like it! Yep, it's going to be fun to dress up :)Gotta get the shoes next...

Sara Scissors said...

Again, I feel the same way. One of my dear friends (one of my bridesmaids) is currently 31 weeks pregnant. She got married just 2 weeks before me and didn't want to start TTC for a LONG time...oops! I wish it didn't feel like a race either, but it only makes our desire even more to see it happening all around us. It's only natural. Keep your head up!

PS--I'm loving the new blog CUTE!

Parenthood For Me said...

Great post. I am at the point where I now have to anticipate the second pregnancies. For the most part I have gotten through the first wave of news about first pregnancies. It is not a good feeling being fearful of their good fortune but it is very real. I dread the news and hate that I feel that way because it should be a happy occurrence. I just adopted a beautiful boy and I shouldn't even be thinking about a "second" but I can't help but feel bad for myself. Having another child whether through adoption or a miracle pregnancy will not come easy for us- as much as I wish it did.