Monday, February 16, 2009

I hate my body

Ho-hum. Cycle day 10. Nothing exciting should be happening. I should be gearing up for ovulation, experiencing some EWCM, BDing...

*TMI warning*

So this afternoon I felt like I had EWCM. I had to go to the bathroom anyway, so I went to go, check it out, and use an OPK since I'm trying those out this month. Sit down, and what do I see? EWCM? No.

Blood.

BLOOD!!! I wanted to scream!

Who spots BEFORE ovulation??

And it wasn't just a slight spot on the toilet paper. There was a dark stain on my underwear soaking through to my jeans. When I had my last doctor appointment, I was describing my "irregular bleeding" to the NP.

She bristled, "Are you soaking through more than one tampon a day?"

"No," I answered.

"Then that's not bleeding. That's spotting." I felt defensive.

This spotting, bleeding, whatever....is not normal!! Even if I weren't TTC it would freak me out and be a source of annoyance. BUT I AM TRYING TO HAVE A BABY! What the heck!

I came out of the bathroom and told DH I hated my body.

No, not is the sense of I don't like how I look. In the infertility sense. Do you ever just find yourself HATING that your body cannot cooperate and do what it's supposed to?? I'm so frustrated right now I'm crying. Maybe I have endo or something. I don't want anything else wrong with us. :(

Oh, and the OPK was negative. I usually ovulate cycle day 12 or 13. I haven't had and EWCM yet, only blood. So who knows when I'll ovulate.

I'm starting to research RE's. DH agrees that we should have an appointment lined up soon after we get his post-surgery SA results.

10 comments:

Erica said...

Have you had any kind of IF testing? I'm sorry if you've already written it somewhere...I couldn't find it.
Has your gyn ever checked for endo? Do they know about the bleeding? What do they suggest you do?
This comment is like 100 questions, sorry!

Melissa said...

i had breakthrough bleeding last year sometime. It's horrible. I'm sorry. I know that feeling of utter disappointment and anger.

((HUG))

Mrs. Hammer said...

Awe how frustrating. I can completely relate to feeling mad at my body. I think going to a RE will be very helpful. Especially since they are usually very thorough in determining issues like Endometriosis or PCOS. OB/GYNs are great but they don't specialize in infertility

strongblonde said...

i know! when your body doesn't do what it is supposed to it makes you feel so inadequate! (or it does for me, anyway...)

looking for a silver lining? well, if you are having breakthrough bleeding, it at least means that you are creating an adequate lining, right? that's one thing your body can do right :)

Find joy in every journey said...

Sometimes the sudden changes in hormones, namely estrogen, can cause irregular bleeding. There are organic and physiologial causes. Organic being hormonal or infection and physiological being endometrosis or fibroids. Definately make an appointment with a dr. that is familiar with diagnosing the above things.

WantWait&Pray said...

Hmmm....that is very weird. Are you positive where you are at your cycle?

I'm not sure what steps you have done to check out your body out...but it's good you called and asked.

Fallopian 'Tudes said...

How upsetting! Random bleeding is never fun and would be massively upsetting and mite frightening to anyone, not even TTC. I get that frustrated feeling all the time... Like, hello in there??
I don't want anything more wrong with you guys either.
*frowns*

Betty Rubble said...

I'm sorry. I think the worst for me is the dysfunctional bleeding. I can so empathize with you. I agree with hubby get an RE appt as close to his follow up as possible.

Hugs

Mary said...

Sorry, hon. I think you guys are right to make an appt with an RE. They will do ALL the tests that you need and come to the bottom of this right away. Ob/gyns just don't usually run the tests that you need when dealing with infertility. If you don't want to waste anymore time I would just call as soon as you can.

Before I had read the entire internet on infertility, (early on in this process) my ob said he wasn't even concerned that I had cycles of 50+ days! Umm...there is slim to NO chance that you are going to get pg with cycles like that. He would have let this go on forever if I hadn't becomed more informed and moved on. I even had to demand an HSG (they didn't want to do it) and that's how I found out about my uu. It's very sad.
Fight for your future family:) You are the only one that will make it happen!

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog and wanted to say how very sorry I am that you are going through this. And you need to go to a new doctor if they tell you bleeding pre ovulation is only spotting. What a stupid comment to make!
I wish you the best of luck in your struggles, and I will definitely be following your story. Feel free to check out my own story at:
www.iwannabeamommy.wordpress.com