Friday, January 30, 2009

The path of least resistance

Hi blogging friends,

I have missed you all this week! Things have been really busy at work + more evening plans this week then usual = bad week for blogging. I have also not been able to read as many of your blogs as usual, but I plan on catching up soon!

I have been pretty stressed with work this week. (For once, my stress is not TTC related!) I work for a very small company as the only office person -- I joke that I am AR, AP, HR, IT, payroll, and whatever other departments you can think of all rolled into one little person. Most of the time, I enjoy the variety and the responsibility that comes with all of it. I am very much appreciated and valued by the owners, which is such a blessing.

In light of the economy, we have been trying to slash as much overhead as possible. Which I think is a great plan to stay afloat, but each new decision & change is implemented by me. This week alone I have switched our payroll service, switched our 401K, and looked into moving to a new office space on top of my regular duties.

Last night as DH and I were praying together before bed, I prayed about my stress at work, particularly in one situation. Afterwards, DH starting asking me all about the situation and trying to help problem solve. It ended up being a very frustrating conversation -- so classic and stereotypical that I am embarrassed to admit it. He (the man) wanted to help solve my problems. I (the woman) woman, just wanted to pray about, vent a little, and feel his support. We realized this after way too long, apologized, and went to bed.

I was so tense after the conversation. DH had brought up something that, deep in my heart, I know is a weakness of mine. I always want to choose the path of least resistance, even if it is not the best option. I don't want to confront, I don't want to put in extra work, I just want things to roll smoothly. And this is partly why I am stressed at work -- my boss is making decisions that are definitely not simple and I am in charge of making them happen. I don't think this is the only reason I am stressed, but it is part of it.

As I laid awake too frustrated to sleep, I began mulling this over. How has this quality of mine effected past things in my life? Granted, when something is important, I think I will do the resisting needed. The fact that I am a Christian has not felt like the path of least resistance, especially with my family. They do not agree with my beliefs, and while we are mutually respectful, it is not easy to be so different from your family. That is just one example, but it made me feel a little better to remember...

However, I used to be a teacher. Yes, how weird is that? After hearing about my job I'm sure you would never have guessed that I am a credentialed teacher with an M.Ed. I taught for two years and did not like it. I cried almost everyday. I am happy where I am today, but I wondered last night, "Would others who are more persistent...fighters...have stuck it out in teaching and grown to love it?"

And this relates to IF. I realized last night that God could use our infertility to grow me in this area. I will need to "fight" my way with doctors. Seriously, no path in the infertility journey is easy. The simplest, in one sense, would be to just say we're not having kids -- but that's also the hardest. Every option in front of me will come with some fighting and persevering, and I pray that God would use it to grow me and glorify himself in our situation.

7 comments:

Find joy in every journey said...

How insightful!! I LOVE how you are seeing your IF as a chance to grow in the Lord's love. IF is definately a fight, but I hope it will be worth it someday. Sorry you didn't like teaching, but I can see how that can be.

Betty Rubble said...

You need to read my blog from Tuesday I want to say it was. This very topic, presented differently was my very topic.

Good luck!

Sara Scissors said...

I'm not sure if you knew this, but I also have my teaching degree. I taught for 2 years and just couldn't do it any more. I am still working with kids, as a parent educator (go figure, I know!) for a non-profit organization. It's weird where life takes us and what God has in store for us.

My DH and I are the same way as you and yours, except the opposite. I always say we were placed together to "equal each other out". I'm not sure if you've read my Wedding Page from The Knot yet. I think you would get a crack out of it...how much that post just sounded like my DH and I! I think there's a link on my blog if you're ever interested...

Remember you are a strong, kind, passionate person. What you give out to the world comes back ten fold. Promise!

Mary said...

Hillary,

I think you hit it right on the nose. If our fertility issues can help us be stronger in other areas of our lives, then I guess we did get something positive out of it:)

Speaking of pushing for what you want...did you ever call and demand that second progesterone test, lol.

Sorry work is so poopy. It sounds like you are wearing too many hats their. I hope that it calms down...somehow.

Mary said...

And I love the new look of your blog:)

April said...

1. love the new look!
2. sorry work sucks right now. i feel like the economy is making everyone crazy right now. yesterday i used some toilet paper and said to myself, "this is a lot of toilet paper. i bet i'm going to have to learn how to use less...since we may not be able to afford TP pretty soon!"
3. i think that we are all fighters in our own way. the journey and circumstances are different, but we all feel like we have to do what is best for us.

Caroline said...

Hi Hillary,

I love reading your blogs.

I think that you are probably more of a fighter than you give yourself credit for. Being a Christian despite your family's beliefs, and deciding to take a different career path both sound like difficult choices.

I hope that the work stress resolves soon!