Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The wait

I am still hopeful from our appointment on Monday, but I have been processing the situation and reality has sunk in a little more. It was difficult to take my mind off of everything today.

Waiting. I need to do more waiting. I'm waiting for M to get another SA. Then we wait for the results. If M gets the surgery done in January then we have to wait at least 3 months (maybe more) for the possibility of it working. And then if it works we start trying to conceive again...and we all know that that can involve lots of waiting. I almost feel like an optimistic view of all of this is that I could be a couple months pregnant by this time next year. And that's being optimistic, but it feels so far away.

And all of that rests on the surgery working...

If I knew a year from now I would be pregnant I could handle the wait. It would still be difficult to wait, since I wanted to be pregnant 9 months ago, but if I knew the outcome would be a baby I could wait. It's a little torturous to do all of this waiting with such an uncertain outcome.

One amazing comfort is that God does know the outcome, even if I don't. And the outcome He has planned is good -- even if it doesn't involve a baby.

Please, God, I pray it involves a baby.

4 comments:

Betty Rubble said...

We say the same prayer every night. IF it is YOUR will...but sometimes I don't like that attitude. I want it NOW, especially since Bam-Bam was due in 12 days from now. Sigh.

gringa78 said...

I know...I was just saying the same thing to DH last night, "If I knew it was going to happen, I could be more patient".

I HATE waiting and I'm the least patient person in the world.

I wish I had some advice to give you, but I'm in the same boat. :(

Hang in there!

Mary said...

Oh, sweetie. You will get your baby. Time can drag on...but then it also passes in a flash. You will make it.

Jendeis said...

I hear you; I really do. I've said it often enough to John Dear that if I knew that we were going to have a baby this year or next, I feel like I could keep going. This waiting thing is for the birds.