Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Cycle 3, How I love thee...

As I moved on to cycle 10 of this TTC journey this weekend (yes, AF arrived), I have suddenly realized how very different this feels. I have left behind the excitement and anticipation of each cycle. Not that I am pessimistic or negative about each cycle...I think I'm rather neutral.

This realization made me reflect on some of my earlier cycles in that excited-I-might-be-pregnant phase.

Cycle 3. My favorite cycle because it was the one where I really, really thought I could be pregnant. I would seriously POAS to prove that I was pg, and with each BFN was frustrated that I would have to wait until the next day to get that confirmation. But it would happen.

Here it is: Ode to Cycle 3! Look at that amazing temp spike! Look at the beautiful EWCM and perfectly timed BD! (Ignore all the negative tests and the spotting, will you?)

But alas, cycle 3 came to an end. And for all the joy of that excitement, I am thankful I don't have to experience that let down. Cycle 3 ended with a crash that left me tear soaked, exhausted, and scared. What if we had an infertility issue? What if I can't get pregnant?

And here I am, only 7 cycles later. We do have an IF issue. I still wonder if I will get pregnant. But, we're ok. We're enjoying life. We keep trusting God and moving forward. I think my cycle 3 self would be relieved to see where my cycle 10 self is, in some strange way.


April said...

oh, fertility friend...it will make you crazy! it is a way to put all of your failures in front of you and remind you that you have no success in baby-ville :( i know the anxiety and sadness that comes with the end of a cycle, but it means you get to try again. :)

Anonymous said...

I hate FF and their damn falling temperatures.

I'm so sorry #3 was a bust :(

gringa78 said...

I love your ode to cycle 3...I had a cycle like that...it was just too perfect not to be a BFP cycle!

Thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful holiday!