Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Double whammy

I started spotting yesterday at 3dpo.

I thought I wouldn't be very sad about it after the SA results -- I mean, if his motility is 3% what are the chances of conception? A healthy couple has a 20% chance of pregnancy each cycle, so my guess is we have a 0.002% chance (haha, I am making that number up...). So I thought I could let go of all of my spotting fears and focus on DH's upcoming urologist appointment.

But, I must admit I did feel the usual sadness as the spotting began last night. It wasn't even less than normal. And spotting is a double whammy of hopes and let downs: first I'm sad that the spotting started and think my chances of being pregnant that cycle are out. Then I start to have a secret hope: maybe implantation will occur and the spotting will stop. Or maybe the spotting won't matter anyway. The double blow comes when AF arrives.

Spotting is like getting two AF's for me.

But I know God can create a baby in me even if we have a 0.002% chance. And I know the medical doctors can be instruments to make that miracle happen, too. I'm sad but hopeful.

1 comment:

gringa78 said...

Hi hilaree! I replied to you on the board, but it was 4 pages back so you probably didn't see it.

Sorry about the spotting. I got AF the morning of DH's SA and it was an awful day. I know someday we'll look back at all this and think, "how did we get through it?".

Hang in there and keep in touch.